Thursday, July 31, 2008

Slight candle delay letter

Here's the letter I sent to a bunch of customers yesterday. If you order from today on you won't get this email, because all of our parts are in and we'll be shipping on schedule from here on out. Hopefully.

First off, let me say thank you for your Manly Man order. I really appreciate it.

Now the bad news.

One of my suppliers had a back order on the tab that holds the wick in the candle, and that means that I'm sitting here in a very manly room surrounded by wax, scents, and everything else I need to fill your order except that.

It's driving me crazy, and I'm sure it's frustrating for you, too.

I expect the tabs to come in today, Wednesday the 30th, and we will be up all night making candles if they do. I will ship them as soon as possible. I don't want to make a promise I can't keep, though, so if the tabs come in today you might get the candles Saturday, and if they don't, it will be early next week.

I am really quite sorry for the delay, I had enough supplies ordered for my regular sales, but once the story went nationwide I was overwhelmed in about two hours. It's not very manly to make people wait for their manly candles, but we're going to get the orders shipped out as soon as humanly possible.

Thank you, and stay manly!


Also, THANK YOU to all of the people who emailed back with words of encouragement. Manly Man Candle Company has the coolest customers in the world.


Anonymous said...

dear manlyman:
i know that you are busy, what with making candles, being a dad, husband, icon/superhero, but i am reaching out to you in a moment of dire need.
an act was perpertrated up me last night so horrible that i don't know what to do.
would you consider putting a "ask the manlyman" advice column on your website? because i need help, oh manlyman- i need help. for, i don't know what to do. this is what happened.
at 10:30 pm last night i was getting ready to crack open a beer, light a marlboro and watch letterman. my phone rang, and it was a call from someone who was obviously at a country music concert. and, this madman had called me and then he just held up the phone in the concert. i listened to the most horrible music ever made for about three minutes.
well, mr. manlyman, i immediately went to the fridge, poured a glass of some chablis my wife keeps around, picked up a john grisham novel, changed the channel from letterman to rachel ray and curled up on the sofa with a poodle.
AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!! The Humanity!!!!!!! Sweet Jesus!!!! well, what else could i do? doesn't the offender of this cruel joke know that there hasn't been any good country music since johnny cash and waylon went to that great honky tonk in the sky? oh, manlyman, it was so horrible. then, i ran out of smokes, so instead of walking two miles to the bar for some camel stubs, i got in my wife's PT Cruiser and drove to the mini-mart and got some Virginia Slims!!!!!! and, while i was there, i saw that people magazine had brad pitt on the cover, and, well, he's so dreamy that i just HAD to buy it!!!! and, mr. manlyman, thats not the worst of it. i usually go to bed about three in the morning, but last night i went to bed at midnight. and, after my wife and i engaged in amorous activities, i actually held her and snuggled!!!!well, you can imagine the state i am in this morning. please, oh please, help me, mr. manlyman. i fear for my sanity.

Anonymous said...

to the original poster-
i can certainly feel the pain in your voice, and i understand. i'm not the manlyman, and i can only imagine what harsh words that his verbal chainsaw will have for the person who called you and began to ruin your life, but, he's probably busy right now being manly, so let me try to help until he gets back. for, you see, my life was also forever changed in 2002 when i went to a garth brooks concert. since then i have worn pink shirts and slept on satin sheets; i no longer look at women's behinds, and i fear that it is only a matter of time until i cave and lose all hope. but, for you there is still time...i urge you to do this.

leave work. now. go home. forget about your neighbors. put on, in this order: 1-the rolling stones, "exile on main street" follow that up with led zeppelin IV. then, finish it up with ac/dc's "live at donington". loud. very loud. if you can't crank it, yank it. then watch ESPN Sportscenter. don't wear clean underwear today. in fact, don't wear any underwear.
i will pray for you, my brother~though it is too late for me, there is still hope for you. i'd write more but i need to go eat some pistachio ice cream and play bridge with the ladies. good luck.