Thursday, May 7, 2009

New Star Trek movie

It's been a while since I've posted- I've been basking in the glow of my new son, and I've got to tell you it's been AWESOME. However, I can't let this event go: The new Star Trek movie comes out May 8th.

I will be there. Look for the guy in the Klingon uniform. That won't be me.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Sweetest watercraft ever?

A friend showed this to me yesterday, and one thing is clear: I need this more than oxygen.

Monday, April 6, 2009

First race results

Yesterday was HUGE for Manly Man Race Team- We had our very first race. Besides the fact that we didn't have any jerseys, stickers, branding of any kind, logos, or practice, I think it went really well.

Now that I think about it, I should tell you about something my rider said. I asked if he was going to practice before the race, and he said, "Well, I guess I should get there a bit early to take a few laps, but I really don't want to get up that early."

I tell you, when you hear dedication like that, it just about brings tears to your eyes. Literally.

Anyway, we got there a couple of hours later than most, but that was all part of our strategy. We got everything set up in our pit area (the parking lot), walked to the grandstands (two sets of wooden bleachers that were in imminent danger of collapse), and surveyed the competition (at the time, the eight year olds and younger were on the track). Some of them looked FAST. I became worried.

The time for our race arrived, and my guy was first out of the gates. He actually led the race for about 100 yards, at which point I sprinted up to a track official and tried to get the race ended on a technicality. They said no, unfortunately, and for some reason continued to allow other riders to pass my guy.

Rest assured I will be filing a formal protest.

So, long story short, we had a great time, and even though we didn't have to clear space for a giant trophy we were winners in the only way it really matters. We were the manliest men at the race, and have the candles to prove it.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

The Love Boat

Greatest show of all time.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Rooster named Danger

One of my daughter's friends has a rooster named "Danger".

I find that hysterical.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

If you created this Raging Cow...

If you created this Raging Cow image you are Manly Man marketing material. This is a logo for milk, of all things. EXTREEEEEEME MILK!!!!!!

I don't know if they sell this anymore, but I love it so.

Welcome new Manly Man!

The world's newest Manly Man was born at 12:52 AM 3/18/2009, and both he and his Beautiful Southern Mom™ are perfectly healthy.

Sorry for the short post, but I'm going to hold my new son. It's an amazing thing.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Thundercat status: Go?

It's 2:32, and I was just woken up by my Beautiful Southern Wife™, we could be in the final countdown.

More as this develops!

Monday, March 16, 2009

Pregnancy update

I was trying to find a picture of a VERY pregnant woman to go along with this post, and I finally ended up with Octomom. No, I am not Octomom's baby daddy, contrary to what the media is saying.

Anyway, just a quick update here on Mrs. Manly Man: Her due date was March 10th. It is now March 16th, and she is still pregnant.

Mrs. Manly Man is very tired of being pregnant. I'm beginning to think this little Manly Man is going to be enrolled in school before he's born. Maybe he'll have a little Magnum P.I. mustache when he comes out!

Updates to follow, wish us luck!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Let sleeping dogs lie

I'm loving posting videos lately. This one can officially be declared "hilarious".

Monday, March 9, 2009

Announcement on Terrell Owens

Now that Terrell Owens has officially signed with the Buffalo Bills I can tell this story.

Manly Man Candle Company has been in spirited negotiations to obtain the services of Mr. Owens for the past several weeks. We felt that he would really bring something special to the company- After all, he's really strong, so he could probably lift a lot of candles, and he's pretty fast, so our shipping speeds would probably increase, too.

Sadly, though, our negotiations broke down, we just couldn't come to terms that both sides could agree on. The main sticking point is that Buffalo offered him over six million dollars for one year, and Manly Man Candle Company only offered three dollars an hour. His agent said that wasn't enough, and said that three dollars an hour was, in fact, illegal, since it was well below minimum wage, so we upped our bid to three dollars an hour PLUS a free candle once a week, but some people are just never satisfied.

Oh well. Good luck with the Bills, Terrell. You don't know what you're missing!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Forklift failure

Wanna see something amazing? Watch the video above before reading more.

Did you watch it? Crazy, huh? Did you notice the forklift driver abandon ship and run for his life? I didn't notice that until about five viewings.

I know exactly what the driver was thinking. I got this. I got this. I got this. *bump* RUNNNNN!!!!!

I wonder who had to clean it up. Personally, I think that the driver should get an award, because if that whole thing came down with one little bump, then they're lucky it didn't come down when some kid tried to climb up on it. At least this way nobody was hurt, and it makes an ABSOLUTELY AWESOME MANLY VIDEO.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Things I think about

Okay, people, it's time for the final countdown. We're a week away from day my Beautiful Southern Wife™ is supposed to deliver our very first manly man, and it's getting pretty exciting. It seemed like this day would never come, but after only 14 trimesters of pregnancy the day is finally just about here. Every time the phone rings I'm sure I'm going to hear the words my wife is supposed to say when she goes into labor- "THUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!"

Yes, I stole that from the movie "Juno". It's funny, sue me.

As you can tell, I spend a great deal of time thinking about this. In fact, I probably spend about 45% of my day thinking about the labor, birth, and life of my new son. The other 55% of my thoughts are divided between my wife, daughter, dogs, and motorcycles. In order to spare anyone's feelings I won't tell you the specific percentages between those.

To provide some insight into what makes me such an expert on being manly, here's a list of things I thought about today:

1. I need to change oil in the car. Maybe Wednesday.

2. I should have my family over for dinner soon. Maybe Wednesday.

3. Nice weather really brings the motorcycle riders out.

4. I need a new audiobook to listen to on my commutes to and from work.

5. I can't wait to put our new scent on the website and tell the world about it. It rocks.

So there are a few of the not-so-complicated thoughts of a not-so-complicated man. If you stay tuned you'll see the new scent launch (or drop, as the kids say these days) a few days after the launch of my new son. It comes from a suggestion that one of my customers gave me, and it's perfect for Manly Man Candle Company.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Sad update on the mustache

A couple of weeks ago I posted that a few of my friends and I were going to grow some kick butt facial hair, as I'm sure you remember. You remember, don't you?

How did it go, you ask? Ummmm..... Not too well. I started out by growing a fairly sexy beard, just so I could avoid the painful initial stages of mustache lip. Then, one morning when my beard was thick and manly, I broke out the trimmer and took off everything that didn't look particularly Tom Sellecky. Clippings filled the sink. Gradually my face appeared.

Then I learned that trimming a beard into a mustache is harder than it looks. I took too many whiskers off the 'stache, which left it a bit too... well..... Hitler-ish. I knew something had gone wrong, but I went to work with it anyway, which was probably a mistake because my boss saluted me like I was in the SS as soon as I walked in the door.

Yep, it was a long day at work.

Anyhoo, I've been growing the beard out again just so I can take another stab at it. This time I'm going for less crazy dictator and more sexy detective- Pictures may be forthcoming if it turns out well.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Evolution of a manly label

It's time for another trip down memory lane. I've been spending a couple hours each night redesigning the labels for Manly Man Candles and it got me to thinking about some of my previous designs. So, with no further ado, here are the previous side label designs:

From July of 2006- My first real attempt. I can't remember the font, but I thought the fire inside the lettering was cool. I may have been wrong.

From October of 2006. We decided that we needed a company color, and decided on red. The inner flames still burned within the letters.

In May of 2007 I changed to the new font. I tried to save work by making the labels as uniform as possible, but while this looked good it made it very hard to tell the candles apart from each other. The bull started appearing around the website and labels.

February 2008 brought an effort to add color and humor to the labels. Now the candles said "Do not eat", "Not to be used as a flotation device", "99% plutonium free", and more.

Which brings us to today. Don't worry, the humor's still there, it's just been moved to the warning label.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Thinking about changing my name

My Name is Grassman. Brent Grassman. Shaken, not stirred.

See, that just doesn't work. My first name, Brent, has served me adequately for 37 years now, but I'm not going to say it's been without some problems. I've been called Brett, Rhett, Gent, and twice people actually thought my name was Prince. No, I'm not kidding. Prince.

I've always wanted a name that's a bit more common. Like Ben, John, or Steve. A simple name that people wouldn't make me repeat. Now that I'm the owner of a major global company I'm thinking about changing my name to better suit my new stature. I have three criteria for my future name- It must ooze manliness, it must be easy to remember, and it must be somewhat short- I don't have time for long signatures.

So with that in mind, here are a few possibilities:

1. Jake Stone

2. Hank Scorpio (see above picture)

3. Rock Steel

4. Man Lee McCandle (the "Mc" is silent)

5. Al Uminum

6. Russ Tedbearing

I have many, many ideas, but I can't seem to pick one that fits me perfectly yet. Suggestions are appreciated.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Here's how to fix the U.S. auto industry

Break the mold. Shift the paradigm. Hire more attractive women to stand next to your cars.

Hey, couldn't hurt.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Brewing with Mr. Beer

Guess what time it is- Time to brew!

The picture above shows the glory of "Mr. Beer", a home brewing kit that let's any Tom, Dick or Brent turn ordinary water into beer. Yes, you read that right, I'm so manly I make my own beer.

Mr. Beer is super-convenient, too, as you can have cold beer in your fridge in as little as six weeks! It takes really, really good planning to be an alcoholic with Mr. Beer.

It's really easy to make your own beer. All you have to do is follow 1,594 steps in the perfect order, measure everything precisely, store it at the perfect temperature, read to it every night before it goes to bed, and about 45 days later you'll have some of the most delicious liquid you've ever tasted.

Unless something went wrong. Then it'll taste like burnt poop.

I'll let you know how it goes!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Happy Day After Valentine's Day!

Here's a little something for you female Manly Men. I'm writing this a day late because I spent all of yesterday (Valentine's Day) taking the very best care of my Beautiful Southern Wife™. To sum up my day:

1. Woke up early, made her breakfast in bed.

2. Put in "Steel Magnolias" for us to watch as we had breakfast in bed.

3. Took the dishes to the kitchen and washed them as she drifted back off to dreamland.

4. After doing the dishes, I took the petals from some of the twelve dozen roses I bought her and placed them into a hot (but not too hot) bubble bath I had just run for her.

5. When her bath was done, I draped her in a brand new ultra-soft terry cloth robe I got her just for Valentine's Day and led her to the living room, where I had a hot cup of decaffeinated coffee, a new copy of Us Weekly, and "The View" on television.

6. As she watched "The View", I massaged her feet.

7. We then drove to the mall, where we shopped for makeup, clothes, and baby stuff.

8. After the mall, we went to a pet store where we looked at puppies and kittens.

9. We then took a lovely drive through town, holding hands and talking about our feelings.

10. I then took her to Macaroni Grill for a nice dinner.

11. After dinner, I stood on the table and told everyone in the restaurant how much I loved my wife, then sang her a love song in Italian. Several grown men cried from the sheer beauty and emotion of my singing.

12. Next up was a quick drive home, where I tucked her in, cuddled with her, rubbed her back, stroked her hair and whispered tender love messages to her as she once again drifted off to dreamland.

Yep, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Coolest snow machine EVER

First off, this video is ten minutes long, so I don't expect you to watch it all. There, you're off the hook. I, however, have watched this. Twice. And it's so freaking cool I want to build something like it ASAP.

I just realized there are about ten things I want to build, all of the manly, most of them kind of dumb. I should make a list of them one of these days...

More manly engineering

Love your old motorcycle, but disappointed that you can't ride it on the water? Problem solved. I can't find a video of it actually moving, but if it works as good as it looks then there shouldn't be any issues, right?

Monday, February 9, 2009

Just got back from labor class

Now that my Beautiful Southern Wife™ is heading into her 7th trimester (or so it seems to me) we've been doing the pre-delivery classes. The first one we did was "Labor Basics", where we learned the do's and don'ts of a hospital delivery, such as:

pack a bag filled with everything you'll need for your hospital stay.

Don't fill that bag with with earplugs and motorcycle magazines for yourself.

Do position yourself so you can help the mother and be supportive.

Don't push the doctor out of the way while yelling, "I got this one, college boy!"

I could go on, but you get the drift- Don't do anything that might upset the expectant mother, or anything that might be fun. The second class was on breastfeeding, which I didn't attend, because, as I explained to my wife, that doesn't seem like a skill I'm really going to need. Turns out I was the only husband who didn't attend, so apparently I was a little off base on that one.

Tonight's class was "Comfort Measures", which covered breathing techniques and described the various drugs the mother can take during the labor and delivery. To start the class the instructor asked if anyone had been having trouble sleeping. I said no, that I was sleeping like a rock, but apparently the instructor was talking mainly to the pregnant women.

Sometimes it seems like this whole pregnancy is just all about the woman. It's sexist, I tell you. Anyway, to summarize tonight's class:

1. When contractions start, breath slowly.

2. When contractions get worse, breath faster.

3. When it really hurts, breath as fast as you can, while making this sound: "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Or something like that, I didn't take notes. There's only one class left, then we're certified to become parents. I hope we pass- I'd hate to have to have my wife be forced into overtime!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Gas prices, part two

Look, I know that gas is WAY cheaper than it was a year ago, and that's all well and good, but here in Montana it has gone up 30 cents in the past three weeks, while the price of crude oil has continued to go down.

Who can tell me why this is? Yep, that's right, because they can.

So I've decided if the gas and oil companies can decide to rip people off when the weather warms up so can I. Starting today I have raised the prices of small candles to $598.99, medium candles to $923.99, and large candles will now set you back $28,699.99.

Oh, wait, no I'm not. Because I don't suck, unlike gas companies.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Miss Manners

This is an honest to God Miss Manners cartoon. I'm going to memorize this line and say it to people at work for no good reason.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

My Superbowl thoughts

As a life-long Steeler fan I am, of course, thrilled that they won the Superbowl. They had the hardest schedule in the NFL this year, and had an absolutely amazing season. Congratulations to all involved, including the Cardinals, who played a fantastic game.

I watched the game at my dad's house with my family. We all met there for one reason- To enjoy the company of my loving family and share the joy of a big event; to build memories that would last a lifetime.

Just kidding. He has the biggest TV, so it was a no-brainer. My television, by the way, is a manly, manly piece of audio/video equipment... The screen measures a GIGANTIC 27 inches, and it features low definition, mono sound, and several dents. Seriously.

Anyhoo, here's a quick summation of my emotions during the game:

1. Yay!

2. Yay!

3. Damn!


5. Halftime.

6. Yay!

7. Damn!

8. Damn!

9. Double Damn!

10. Oh Lord we're behind, I need to go lie down. I'm so very sad.


12. Terror that Kurt Warner would break my heart

13. It's over, I'm exhausted.

That was a great game. I'm tired just thinking about it. Oh, and that Doritos crystal ball commercial made coke come out my nose. Awesome.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Manly Man of the Week

I usually try to stay away from writing about politics- It's never good business to alienate half of your customers, and I think there are more than enough places on the web where you can read about politics if you want to. Today, though, I'm going to make an exception, and make President Barack Obama the Manly Man of the Week.

By the way, if any politician is reading this, I need to talk to you about my "Manly Man Candle Bailout Program" idea. I promise I won't buy a $50 million jet with my bailout money, and I won't ask for more after I get my initial 3 billion dollars.

I suggest that you check out the White House Website, too. Amazing stuff on there.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Every continent, baby!

I'm a month late in reporting this, but guess what? Someone from EVERY CONTINENT IN THE WORLD HAS READ THE MANLY MAN CANDLE COMPANY BLOG. I got this email on December 22 of 2008.

Hello Brent,

As promised a message from Antarctica.

For maps, pics and webcam views just click here.

So, a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all at Manly Man Candles.

Best wishes,

Mike Gloistein
RRS James Clark Ross

That, my friends, is TOO COOL. Mike, you rock, and we all wish you the absolute best luck and safest journey possible. Bring me back a penguin and you get free candles for a year.

Now, who on the International Space Station has access to the net and can do me a quick favor? The candles only way five ounces, so that won't add much to your payload!

Friday, January 30, 2009

No weird food cravings

Men who have lived with pregnant women all deserve medals know that they can be crazy are truly performing miracles, and appreciate their hard work. I tell my wife at least once a day how much I respect her for carrying our child, and I also tell her that I'm jealous and wish that I could carry him for a while and experience the miracle myself.

That's a lie and we both know it, but she smiles politely.

You know how television shows usually have pregnant women craving weird things like pickles and ice cream? Well, I like pickles, and I'm more than happy to enjoy some ice cream, so one of the things I was looking forward to most was indulging in delicious foods for nine months.

How well has that worked out for me? Not well at all.

What has she craved? Nothing. Guess what's happened... She's gotten food aversions. That's right, there are no foods she craves, only foods that she no longer likes.

Tacos? Can't eat them. Macaroni and cheese? Can't stand the sight. Energy bars? Nope. So, instead of me gorging myself on ice cream and junk food, I get to eat healthy foods, and that's a complete rip off.

Yes, I'm whining, but here's the point: I will trade anyone a small Manly Man Candle for a taco. Email me for details, but please hurry- I could really use a taco.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

My health status: Fine

Do you recognize the man in the picture above? It's none other than Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple, Inc. He's an amazing man, really, with a list of accomplishments as long or longer than almost anybody in the computer industry. Some of his creations include the Apple II, the Macintosh, the iPod, and the iPhone, and oh yeah, he also bought Pixar Animation and led that company as they produced Toy Story, The Incredibles, Cars, and many more amazing films.

So yeah, he's a cool guy. A manly man, to say the least. A man who has pushed the human race forward, as a great Apple commercial once said about other people.

Now Steve Jobs has temporarily left Apple for health reasons, and the computer industry has their collective panties in a bunch. Apple stock has fluctuated because of fears of his lack of leadership and inspiration. People are thinking about filing lawsuits because they think Apple hid the severity of his illness from investors. Rumors are flying around cyberspace about what's wrong with him. CNN even posted an iReport a month or so ago saying that he was dead. They retracted it as soon as they found out he was still alive, but Apple's stock fell severely on the (fake) news.

Okay, I'm rambling, but I really identify with Steve. We're both the undisputed leaders of our companies. We're both visionaries- Him with computer tech, and me with manly scents. We're both manly, manly men who can grow great facial hair (you should see my mustache!). We're both billionaires who can change the world with the snap of our fingers.

Well, I guess I don't completely identify with Steve, but you get the idea.

Best wishes to you Steve. This commercial fits you as well as anyone:

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

The Steeler's kicker rocks

So the Steelers are in the Superbowl again, and they're probably going to get ring number six. As a Steeler fan, I couldn't be happier.

Then I found this picture on the web. This picture was apparently taken within the past day or two, and it's of Pittsburgh kicker Jeff Reed enjoying himself (and his hair care products) in Tampa.

I love this picture, and I'm glad you're having a good time, Jeff, but you'd better not miss a field goal in the game, or as Ricky would say to Lucy, "You got some 'splain' to do!"

MMCC racing update

Just a quick update on the Manly Man Candle Company Race Team (MMCCRT- An acronym that rolls off the tongue). We're preparing for our first big race. Lap times are decreasing. Speeds are increasing. We're practicing starts, trying different lines, turning double jumps into triples, triples into quadruples, and quadruples into whatever is one bigger than that. I'm putting the finishing touches on the new stickers, working on new shirts and team colors, and figuring out ways to have a lot of fun and put in some good finishes.

I'm excited, and I'll probably bore you to death with updates when the season actually starts. Wish us luck!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009



I work with men. Quite a few of them, actually, and when we're together the testosterone level can get out of hand quickly. A few days ago it reached a new, astonishing level, and a few of us decided that the only thing we could do to raise it to an even higher level would be to grow the thickest, bushiest, Magnum P.I. mustaches we could.

Is there anything manlier? I think not.

So now a few of us are in the growth stage of the best freaking mustaches the world has ever known. Ron Burgandy style. Geraldo Rivera style. A few of the guys have referred to them as "porn star mustaches", but since I've never seen a porn movie or even looked at a "nudie magazine" before I'll have to take their word for it.

It's interesting how facial hair works. Me, being a manly man, can grow facial hair pretty much at will. I had to start shaving at age six. A few of my coworkers are having a bit more trouble getting the old cookie duster to grow quickly, but I'm sure they'll sprout into amazing displays of bad decision making with a couple of weeks.

I might put a picture of us up, if properly motivated. Have you been over to the candle company lately?

Monday, January 26, 2009

The moving process

I got some great advice on moving a couple of months ago, and I think that it's manly enough to share with you.

"When you're moving, try to get two trucks. Put everything you're going to keep in one truck, and put everything you're going to throw away into the other. When you're done, take them both to the dump."

I'm not sure how practical that is, but I certainly understand the feeling behind it. Oh, and here's another question. How do women always know where stuff is?

Me: "Honey, where's the spare key to first car we ever owned and in fact sold about 15 years ago?"

Wife: "Oh, that's in the spare bedroom, third drawer down, on the left hand side, towards the back. If I remember right, it's under that Motley Crue fan club magazine you had."

Drives me crazy, but it comes in handy!

Sunday, January 25, 2009


About a year ago, my then 14 year old daughter decided that the cutest thing in the world is a guinea pig, and that she had to have one. I, of course, put my foot down, and said (in no uncertain terms) that she had to ask her mom.

Very manly, I know. I can sense that you're impressed with my awesome decision making and parenting skills, and I accept your awe in my typical graceful way. The true beauty of this maneuver is that there was no way my sweet wife would ever say yes, so I would get to be the good guy, and she would have to be the bad guy and say no.

My wife, though, didn't live up to her end of the bargain. She also thought that guinea pigs are the cutest things in the world, so not only did my lovely daughter end up with a guinea pig (named Penny), my wife ended up with a pig of her own (named Chewy).

They're cute, no doubt. They're both females, because I'm not interested in becoming a guinea pig breeder- At least not yet. They're lots of fun, too. They chase each other around their pens, kick up wood chips, drink lots of water, poop, and eat. Here's a list of everything they can do:

1. Chase each other around the pen

2. Kick up wood chips

3. Drink lots of water

4. Poop

5. Eat

6. Absolutely nothing else

They don't mind being held and petted, and in fact, they remind me of a tribble from the original Star Trek series. However, for the right price, these awesome pets can be yours. Bidding starts at -$5.00 (I pay you five dollars to take them). Bid early and bid often!

Saturday, January 24, 2009

My brother's gift giving skills

Speaking of the holiday season, I have to tell you about my brother's amazing gift giving talents. You know how some families have that one person who spends days, no, WEEKS, picking out the perfect gift for each person in the family? They spend hours thinking about each person's unique personality and preferences, their hobbies, wishes, desires and dreams, and choose the exact right gift for that person? They get that person something that isn't just a gift for a day, or a week, but a gift that is absolutely cherished for a lifetime?

Do you know a person like that? If you do, imagine the exact opposite of that person and you'll have my brother.

For many years he gave everyone in the family the tasty goodness of sausage gift packs. You know the kind, they come with cheese and sometimes little jellies. It didn't matter what age you were, you got a sausage pack. 50 year old man? Sausage pack. Six year old girl? Sausage pack. Newly married couple having your first Christmas together? Two sausage packs.

Then tragedy struck my brother's Christmas plans- The sausage pack place closed. He was probably the only one still buying them in this millennium. Last year he bought everyone University of Montana Grizzly t-shirts, and just to make sure nobody got their feeling hurt he bought everyone the same size... Double XL. That's okay, though, because my wife and I cut ours up and sewed them into a fancy new car cover. If we had added the one my daughter got we could have had a carnival tent.

This Christmas we all got shirts and underwear that says "Remove before flight" on them. I'm still not sure what that's all about, but I can hardly wait to see what next year brings. I think I'm going to give him Manly Candles, which are the perfect gift for any occasion.

Friday, January 23, 2009

It's been crazy, but I'm back

Hi everybody!

Sorry for the lack of updates. Christmas season turned out to be absolutely crazy, and I'm just recovering from everything now. The past month has included:

1. Many, many candle shipments. Thank you all very much- My life goal of making the world a manlier smelling place is well underway!

2. Incredibly bad weather, which caused massive snow drifts that covered my yard and the roads leading to it. This led to the the next activity, which was...

3. The complete relocation of my family and Manly Man Candle Company to a new house and candle production facility (basement). The candle factory has been upgraded in every way, including the addition of a world-class dog sled team to ensure winter delivery. Actually, we moved because...

4. My beautiful southern wife is now very, very pregnant (almost eight months!), and didn't need to be living where there's a pretty good chance that we would be snowed in. I've tried to convince her that I can deliver this baby, but she would rather have a doctor do it for some reason. I'm almost 74% positive that I can handle it, but she remains as stubborn as only a southern girl can get. Clean towels, hot water, yell PUSH!!! PUSH!!! PUSH!!!, cut the cord, slap the new mother's butt, and boom, happy new baby, right? It's simple. I wish she had more faith in me, but I guess that's how it goes sometimes.

5. This holiday season also brought the first visit of my father-in-law to Montana. It went very well, thank heavens. He was amazed by the snow, and does NOT want to move here.

Anyway, I could go on for pages, but those are the biggies. I'm sure your holiday season was crazy too, but I hope you had a great one, and may 2009 be your manliest year ever!