Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The naming of "Home Brew"

Now that it's almost time for the release of Home Brew, I think I'll give you a little "sneak peek" at the "behind the scenes" action of Manly Man Candle Company.

And no, ladies, that doesn't mean you can "peek" at my "behind".

I am becoming obsessed with quotation marks lately. I'll "try" to "stop".

One of the hardest things to do here at Manly Man Candle Company is to name the scent. See, each of these candles is like a child to me (don't tell my daughter), so all of the standard naming issues come into play. I have to think about many, many things before finally deciding on a name, such as:

1. Will the other candles make fun of this candle's name?

2. Will this candle's name be cute when it's small (4 ounce), yet strong when it's big (16 ounce)? Will the name cause any problems during those difficult "middle sizes" (8 ounce)?

3. Can this candle's name be easily mocked? You'll notice that Clean Laundry isn't called Clenis Laundry. That's for a reason. That's also why my next child won't be named Richard or Mulva. Yes, I've seen that episode of Seinfeld.

There are many more things that go through my mind, too, but that's a sampling. I also have hundreds of people suggest names for me too. Some of the suggestions include:

1. Kegger

2. Beer:30 (As in, what time is it? Beer:30.)

3. Barley Pop

4. Drunka Cola

Sure, those are good names too, but I think Home Brew sums up the scent the best- It's a dark beer smell, not really a domestic beer, but more of a hoppy specialty beer smell. It's great. I can't wait to hear what everyone thinks.

Sneak peek

It's almost time...

Rising post count

This picture both amuses and confuses me. My questions are as follows:

1. Why is the word "BEER" written in cheese, or sponge?

2. Why is the last guy pregnant?

3. Why do the British insist on throwing an extra "u" in words like honor?

4. Is anyone noticing that I'm desperately trying to get to 30 posts for September?

Oh, guess what my candle factory smell like right now? I can't tell you. It's a secret.

Somewhat gratuitous

You know what? There are a bunch of pictures of girls holding beer on the internet.

Another hint

What could I be getting at here?

Big announcement coming soon!

A teaser picture!

I wonder what this picture could be hinting at?

Monday, September 22, 2008

Some non-manly sayings

I just realized that I only gave you one example of things not to say when you're trying to be manly. I know you, though. You want a few examples so you won't accidentally appear non-manly. Your wish, my friend, is my command.

I'll start with my co-worker's example, just to shame him again.

1. "I get cold really easy."

2. "Billie Joe, where did you get those shoes? They're adorable!"

3. "Did you see what happened on Desperate Housewives last night?" (This is completely unrelated, but Desperate Housewives starts this Sunday. Grey's Anatomy starts this Thursday.

4. "Why does anybody need a (car, motorcycle, boat, or anything that moves) that goes that fast?"

5. "I get cold really easy." (That one just deserves to be on the list twice.)

Think about this list for a minute and I'm sure you'll come up with some ideas of your own. Post them if you're feeling manly!

How not to sound manly

Just to clarify: The guy in the dress is NOT me. It's after Labor Day, and I wouldn't be caught dead in white.

I got the idea for this post from something that happened at work. See, a motorcycle shop is a GREAT place to get ideas for a manly blog, and today a co-worker gave me an idea for this topic- How NOT to sound manly.

My co-worker, who I would consider a friend (at least, I did consider him a friend, before this came out of his mouth), said, "I don't like snowmobiles, because I'm thin and I get cold really easy."

Sigh. That's just not manly. Here's what he should have said- "I don't like snowmobiles, because they're too slow, and the snow really lessens the chances for a major injury. That's why I only race 300 horsepower unicycles over tracks of broken glass while I have my hair on fire."

Instead, though, at least once a day someone will ask him if he's "chilly" and needs a blanket and a cup of cocoa.

Manly Man TV Clip

As seen on TV!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

My wife packed my lunch today

My wife is a bit of a nurturer, which I enjoy. Today, though, she outdid herself. 

She packed my lunch for me! It was delightful. A ham sandwich, Pringles, fresh (and cut!) strawberries, and a Kit-Kat candy bar. Awesome.

I'm the envy of the motorcycle shop. Thanks, baby!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

I won the football pool

Since I'm not sure of the legality of this, so let me preface this by stating that this entire post is made up. It didn't happen, and this post is just a "story" about what "could" have "happened" if somebody worked at a "motorcycle" "shop" that happened to "have" a "football pool" and the writer of this blog "enjoyed" using "lots of" "quotation marks" "unnecessarily" "."

Anyway, it was a simple game where you have to pick the winners of every game, and I did the best. I actually tied my boss but won by getting closer on the points of Monday night's game. I'm not sure if beating my boss is a good career move, but my competitive nature won't let me throw the game.

Look out Vegas, here I come.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

I wish my dog could talk

Okay, that's not a picture of my dog, it's a picture I found on the internet.

My dog hasn't been lured to the dark side. Yet. My wife's dog would pull the trigger to kill all the Jedi if she would get a treat for it, though.

Anyway, this picture reminded me of a book I saw at Barnes and Noble the other day. It was called "Stuff On My Cat", and it was an entire book of pictures of this guy's cat with "stuff" on it.

Check it out at Don't you hate it when people start businesses with stupid little ideas? That reminds me, have you seen the Manly Man Candle Company's website lately?

Monday, September 8, 2008

I can't sleep

Most nights I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow, but man, tonight isn't one of those nights.

I blame the start of the NFL season. I sat on the couch and drifted in and out of consciousness while the games were on... All three of them. Since I napped most of the day I figure I should give you my opinions of the three games that I watched on TV today.

1. Jets vs. Dolphins: Brett Farve looked great. I'm glad he's back. He should dye his hair, he looks like he's 107 years old.

2. Cowboys vs. Browns: Did anyone else see the "T.O. has B.O." sign somebody hung up in the Brown's stadium? Third grade humor at its finest- I laughed. The Browns looked HORRIBLE.

3. Colts vs. Bears: I've never seen Peyton Manning look so nervous. My wife LOVES him because he was the quarterback for the University of Tennessee, who also lost this weekend. Not a good sports week for her, but hey, she's got me, so she's already a winner, right? RIGHT???!?!?!

Anyway, go Steelers.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Goal for this month: 30 posts

I have to admit that I let myself down with a lack of effort posting last month. I'm sorry to say that getting a real job has REALLY cut into my blogging time, but my pregnant wife seems to think that a real job is more important than this blog.


Anyway, I'm going to do better this month, even though I'm off to a fairly crappy start. I hope that this picture of a cat crushed by a cardboard box makes up for any disappointing lack of updates.

I thought it was funny. No cats were harmed in the making of this picture. Or, maybe they were, I don't know, it's not my picture, I got it off, which is pretty much my favorite site.

Besides this one, I mean.

Antarctica's in my crosshairs

I was looking through the stats for the blog today and I was blown away by two things. First, this is one amazing blog. It's probably the best blog in the known universe. It's not dumb or self-serving at all, and another great thing about it is that every once in a while I will link to, which makes it super easy for you to click and purchase all of your manly candle needs. Once again, you're welcome.

The second thing that blew me away was where all of you readers come from. Estonia? Really? Singapore? Brazil? It's great that people from all over are world are tuning in, but I have to wonder what someone from Estonia thinks when they see this. America truly is the land of opportunity.

This leads me to my newest quest. I have a hit from every continent on the planet except Antarctica now, so it's time for a new game:

Get me a hit from Antactica!

I just read that in the summer Antarctica has a population of over 4,000 people, and in the winter there are still 1,000 people there. One of you readers HAS to know somebody who knows somebody who works at a college with somebody who taught somebody who has a friend that knows a guy that once emailed somebody that is in Antarctica. I just want them to read this blog once so I can cross "Get a hit from Antarctica" off my bucket list.

This is kind of like "Six degrees of Kevin Bacon", except instead of being related to a handsome movie star you'll link to someone who probably has an icicle hanging from his (or her) nose.

Help me out, people!

Monday, September 1, 2008

Holding a purse

I was in a mall yesterday, shopping for clothes for my pregnant southern wife. If you're interested in the details, we were in Motherhood Maternity, a clothing store for pregnant women. There were several couple just like us in there- The women had delighted glows on their beautiful, angelic faces, and we men had the look of beaten dogs who would do or say anything to get out of there and run with the pack again.

Since it was a Saturday, the rest of the pack was probably watching the first week of college football. That would have been fun. Not that I'm whining.

I've learned something over the years, and I'd like to share it with you fine people. Women will never, ever, EVER like what I suggest for clothes. I saw a cute maternity shirt that said "It's not easy being queasy" that I loved. No dice.

Anyway, the point of this whole post is that I overheard the greatest quote by a man I've ever heard in my life. The man was probably 6'3", 200 pound, and he certainly looked like a manly man. He was the type of guy that other guys wouldn't really want to mess with, but the kicker was that he was in Motherhood Maternity with the rest of us, and he was holding his wife's purse while she tried on different outfits, all of which she hated. After she got done trying her 750th shirt on she asked her husband which one he liked best. He said:

"Well, I liked the red one, but what do I know, I'm just a guy carrying a purse."

And that about sums it up. I looked at him and smiled my tired smile, and he smiled his tired smile, and we both knew that even though Motherhood Maternity is not a very "manly" store to be in on the opening Saturday of college football, there was nowhere else either of us would rather have been.

Funny how that works.

In other news, my wife bought five shirts, all of which were cute.