Monday, October 6, 2008

Wickless candles

I've had a few people ask for me to make a special line of "wickless candles".


Here's the definition of the word "candle": Candle |╦łkandl| noun, A cylinder or block of wax or tallow with a central wick that is lit to produce light as it burns.

Now, I don't pretend to know what "tallow" is, but I think you'll notice that the key words in the definition of candle are wax, wick, lit, and burns. Therefore, it is impossible to have a "wickless" candle. You would have a chunk of smelly wax. That doesn't sound too appealing, does it?

Here's what I'll do for you fine people though. Anybody who wants a wickless candle now has my permission to buy my regular WICKED candles and pull the wick out with a pair of pliers. Once you do that you can pat yourself on the back, because you've neutered your Manly Man Candle.

Doesn't seem right, does it? Why, a Manly Man Candle without a wick is like:

1. A pencil with no lead

2. A dog with its barker removed

3. Me without my mojo

4. A guitar with no strings

5. (Mad libs version: A [noun] without its [noun].)

See? You get it. But hey, if you want wickless, I'll pull your wick out for an extra dollar. I try to be accommodating.

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