I Party Like a Rock Star.

Last weekend my lovely wife and I were out and about for a night on the town. I tend to party like a rock star about once every two or three years, so when I hit the dance floor it tends to make a scene.

And not in a good way.

Oh, I know how to dance. I basically have one move, but it's foolproof, and really used to draw in the ladies back in the day. What I'll do is so simple, so true, so pure that the women are like moths to a flame with this move. I'm not sure I should even share this move with you people, because it's so manly that many of you won't be able to handle it. And, if word of the move gets out to the general population, the resulting population increase would make the baby boomer generation look like a bump in the road.

Oh well, I'll tell you about it. Use at your own risk.

First off, get a table next to the dance floor. Sit there for a while, enjoy a few (more than seven for maximum effect) beers, and watch the dancers. Bob your head, tap your toes. Feel the rhythm. Let the music, as they say, move you. Then, when you've almost finished your last beer, stand up, lift your hands up over head (with beer in one hand, two if you're a pro) and slowly pump them up and down with your palms flat, as if you're holding a pizza.

Now, as loudly as you can, and with GREAT ENTHUSIASM, yell out "IS THIS ROOF TOO LOW??? BECAUSE I'M GONNA RAISE IT!!!!"

Lastly, keep raising your hands up and down in time with the music, and be careful to keep the ladies who are now attacking you a safe distance away.