New Star Trek movie

It's been a while since I've posted- I've been basking in the glow of my new son, and I've got to tell you it's been AWESOME. However, I can't let this event go: The new Star Trek movie comes out May 8th.

I will be there. Look for the guy in the Klingon uniform. That won't be me.

Sweetest watercraft ever?

A friend showed this to me yesterday, and one thing is clear: I need this more than oxygen.

First race results

Yesterday was HUGE for Manly Man Race Team- We had our very first race. Besides the fact that we didn't have any jerseys, stickers, branding of any kind, logos, or practice, I think it went really well.

Now that I think about it, I should tell you about something my rider said. I asked if he was going to practice before the race, and he said, "Well, I guess I should get there a bit early to take a few laps, but I really don't want to get up that early."

I tell you, when you hear dedication like that, it just about brings tears to your eyes. Literally.

Anyway, we got there a couple of hours later than most, but that was all part of our strategy. We got everything set up in our pit area (the parking lot), walked to the grandstands (two sets of wooden bleachers that were in imminent danger of collapse), and surveyed the competition (at the time, the eight year olds and younger were on the track). Some of them looked FAST. I became worried.

The time for our race arrived, and my guy was first out of the gates. He actually led the race for about 100 yards, at which point I sprinted up to a track official and tried to get the race ended on a technicality. They said no, unfortunately, and for some reason continued to allow other riders to pass my guy.

Rest assured I will be filing a formal protest.

So, long story short, we had a great time, and even though we didn't have to clear space for a giant trophy we were winners in the only way it really matters. We were the manliest men at the race, and have the candles to prove it.

The Love Boat

Greatest show of all time.

Rooster named Danger

One of my daughter's friends has a rooster named "Danger".

I find that hysterical.

If you created this Raging Cow...

If you created this Raging Cow image you are Manly Man marketing material. This is a logo for milk, of all things. EXTREEEEEEME MILK!!!!!!

I don't know if they sell this anymore, but I love it so.

Welcome new Manly Man!

The world's newest Manly Man was born at 12:52 AM 3/18/2009, and both he and his Beautiful Southern Mom™ are perfectly healthy.

Sorry for the short post, but I'm going to hold my new son. It's an amazing thing.

Thundercat status: Go?

It's 2:32, and I was just woken up by my Beautiful Southern Wife™, we could be in the final countdown.

More as this develops!

Pregnancy update

I was trying to find a picture of a VERY pregnant woman to go along with this post, and I finally ended up with Octomom. No, I am not Octomom's baby daddy, contrary to what the media is saying.

Anyway, just a quick update here on Mrs. Manly Man: Her due date was March 10th. It is now March 16th, and she is still pregnant.

Mrs. Manly Man is very tired of being pregnant. I'm beginning to think this little Manly Man is going to be enrolled in school before he's born. Maybe he'll have a little Magnum P.I. mustache when he comes out!

Updates to follow, wish us luck!

Let sleeping dogs lie

I'm loving posting videos lately. This one can officially be declared "hilarious".

Announcement on Terrell Owens

Now that Terrell Owens has officially signed with the Buffalo Bills I can tell this story.

Manly Man Candle Company has been in spirited negotiations to obtain the services of Mr. Owens for the past several weeks. We felt that he would really bring something special to the company- After all, he's really strong, so he could probably lift a lot of candles, and he's pretty fast, so our shipping speeds would probably increase, too.

Sadly, though, our negotiations broke down, we just couldn't come to terms that both sides could agree on. The main sticking point is that Buffalo offered him over six million dollars for one year, and Manly Man Candle Company only offered three dollars an hour. His agent said that wasn't enough, and said that three dollars an hour was, in fact, illegal, since it was well below minimum wage, so we upped our bid to three dollars an hour PLUS a free candle once a week, but some people are just never satisfied.

Oh well. Good luck with the Bills, Terrell. You don't know what you're missing!

Forklift failure

Wanna see something amazing? Watch the video above before reading more.

Did you watch it? Crazy, huh? Did you notice the forklift driver abandon ship and run for his life? I didn't notice that until about five viewings.

I know exactly what the driver was thinking. I got this. I got this. I got this. *bump* RUNNNNN!!!!!

I wonder who had to clean it up. Personally, I think that the driver should get an award, because if that whole thing came down with one little bump, then they're lucky it didn't come down when some kid tried to climb up on it. At least this way nobody was hurt, and it makes an ABSOLUTELY AWESOME MANLY VIDEO.

Things I think about

Okay, people, it's time for the final countdown. We're a week away from day my Beautiful Southern Wife™ is supposed to deliver our very first manly man, and it's getting pretty exciting. It seemed like this day would never come, but after only 14 trimesters of pregnancy the day is finally just about here. Every time the phone rings I'm sure I'm going to hear the words my wife is supposed to say when she goes into labor- "THUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!"

Yes, I stole that from the movie "Juno". It's funny, sue me.

As you can tell, I spend a great deal of time thinking about this. In fact, I probably spend about 45% of my day thinking about the labor, birth, and life of my new son. The other 55% of my thoughts are divided between my wife, daughter, dogs, and motorcycles. In order to spare anyone's feelings I won't tell you the specific percentages between those.

To provide some insight into what makes me such an expert on being manly, here's a list of things I thought about today:


1. I need to change oil in the car. Maybe Wednesday.

2. I should have my family over for dinner soon. Maybe Wednesday.

3. Nice weather really brings the motorcycle riders out.

4. I need a new audiobook to listen to on my commutes to and from work.

5. I can't wait to put our new scent on the website and tell the world about it. It rocks.


So there are a few of the not-so-complicated thoughts of a not-so-complicated man. If you stay tuned you'll see the new scent launch (or drop, as the kids say these days) a few days after the launch of my new son. It comes from a suggestion that one of my customers gave me, and it's perfect for Manly Man Candle Company.

Sad update on the mustache

A couple of weeks ago I posted that a few of my friends and I were going to grow some kick butt facial hair, as I'm sure you remember. You remember, don't you?

How did it go, you ask? Ummmm..... Not too well. I started out by growing a fairly sexy beard, just so I could avoid the painful initial stages of mustache lip. Then, one morning when my beard was thick and manly, I broke out the trimmer and took off everything that didn't look particularly Tom Sellecky. Clippings filled the sink. Gradually my face appeared.

Then I learned that trimming a beard into a mustache is harder than it looks. I took too many whiskers off the 'stache, which left it a bit too... well..... Hitler-ish. I knew something had gone wrong, but I went to work with it anyway, which was probably a mistake because my boss saluted me like I was in the SS as soon as I walked in the door.

Yep, it was a long day at work.

Anyhoo, I've been growing the beard out again just so I can take another stab at it. This time I'm going for less crazy dictator and more sexy detective- Pictures may be forthcoming if it turns out well.

Evolution of a manly label

It's time for another trip down memory lane. I've been spending a couple hours each night redesigning the labels for Manly Man Candles and it got me to thinking about some of my previous designs. So, with no further ado, here are the previous side label designs:



From July of 2006- My first real attempt. I can't remember the font, but I thought the fire inside the lettering was cool. I may have been wrong.





From October of 2006. We decided that we needed a company color, and decided on red. The inner flames still burned within the letters.





In May of 2007 I changed to the new font. I tried to save work by making the labels as uniform as possible, but while this looked good it made it very hard to tell the candles apart from each other. The bull started appearing around the website and labels.



February 2008 brought an effort to add color and humor to the labels. Now the candles said "Do not eat", "Not to be used as a flotation device", "99% plutonium free", and more.




Which brings us to today. Don't worry, the humor's still there, it's just been moved to the warning label.

Thinking about changing my name

My Name is Grassman. Brent Grassman. Shaken, not stirred.

See, that just doesn't work. My first name, Brent, has served me adequately for 37 years now, but I'm not going to say it's been without some problems. I've been called Brett, Rhett, Gent, and twice people actually thought my name was Prince. No, I'm not kidding. Prince.

I've always wanted a name that's a bit more common. Like Ben, John, or Steve. A simple name that people wouldn't make me repeat. Now that I'm the owner of a major global company I'm thinking about changing my name to better suit my new stature. I have three criteria for my future name- It must ooze manliness, it must be easy to remember, and it must be somewhat short- I don't have time for long signatures.

So with that in mind, here are a few possibilities:

1. Jake Stone

2. Hank Scorpio (see above picture)

3. Rock Steel

4. Man Lee McCandle (the "Mc" is silent)

5. Al Uminum

6. Russ Tedbearing


I have many, many ideas, but I can't seem to pick one that fits me perfectly yet. Suggestions are appreciated.

Here's how to fix the U.S. auto industry

Break the mold. Shift the paradigm. Hire more attractive women to stand next to your cars.

Hey, couldn't hurt.

Brewing with Mr. Beer

Guess what time it is- Time to brew!

The picture above shows the glory of "Mr. Beer", a home brewing kit that let's any Tom, Dick or Brent turn ordinary water into beer. Yes, you read that right, I'm so manly I make my own beer.

Mr. Beer is super-convenient, too, as you can have cold beer in your fridge in as little as six weeks! It takes really, really good planning to be an alcoholic with Mr. Beer.

It's really easy to make your own beer. All you have to do is follow 1,594 steps in the perfect order, measure everything precisely, store it at the perfect temperature, read to it every night before it goes to bed, and about 45 days later you'll have some of the most delicious liquid you've ever tasted.

Unless something went wrong. Then it'll taste like burnt poop.

I'll let you know how it goes!

Happy Day After Valentine's Day!

Here's a little something for you female Manly Men. I'm writing this a day late because I spent all of yesterday (Valentine's Day) taking the very best care of my Beautiful Southern Wife™. To sum up my day:

1. Woke up early, made her breakfast in bed.

2. Put in "Steel Magnolias" for us to watch as we had breakfast in bed.

3. Took the dishes to the kitchen and washed them as she drifted back off to dreamland.

4. After doing the dishes, I took the petals from some of the twelve dozen roses I bought her and placed them into a hot (but not too hot) bubble bath I had just run for her.

5. When her bath was done, I draped her in a brand new ultra-soft terry cloth robe I got her just for Valentine's Day and led her to the living room, where I had a hot cup of decaffeinated coffee, a new copy of Us Weekly, and "The View" on television.

6. As she watched "The View", I massaged her feet.

7. We then drove to the mall, where we shopped for makeup, clothes, and baby stuff.

8. After the mall, we went to a pet store where we looked at puppies and kittens.

9. We then took a lovely drive through town, holding hands and talking about our feelings.

10. I then took her to Macaroni Grill for a nice dinner.

11. After dinner, I stood on the table and told everyone in the restaurant how much I loved my wife, then sang her a love song in Italian. Several grown men cried from the sheer beauty and emotion of my singing.

12. Next up was a quick drive home, where I tucked her in, cuddled with her, rubbed her back, stroked her hair and whispered tender love messages to her as she once again drifted off to dreamland.


Yep, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Coolest snow machine EVER

First off, this video is ten minutes long, so I don't expect you to watch it all. There, you're off the hook. I, however, have watched this. Twice. And it's so freaking cool I want to build something like it ASAP.

I just realized there are about ten things I want to build, all of the manly, most of them kind of dumb. I should make a list of them one of these days...