Just got back from labor class

Now that my Beautiful Southern Wife™ is heading into her 7th trimester (or so it seems to me) we've been doing the pre-delivery classes. The first one we did was "Labor Basics", where we learned the do's and don'ts of a hospital delivery, such as:


Do pack a bag filled with everything you'll need for your hospital stay.

Don't fill that bag with with earplugs and motorcycle magazines for yourself.


Do position yourself so you can help the mother and be supportive.

Don't push the doctor out of the way while yelling, "I got this one, college boy!"


I could go on, but you get the drift- Don't do anything that might upset the expectant mother, or anything that might be fun. The second class was on breastfeeding, which I didn't attend, because, as I explained to my wife, that doesn't seem like a skill I'm really going to need. Turns out I was the only husband who didn't attend, so apparently I was a little off base on that one.

Tonight's class was "Comfort Measures", which covered breathing techniques and described the various drugs the mother can take during the labor and delivery. To start the class the instructor asked if anyone had been having trouble sleeping. I said no, that I was sleeping like a rock, but apparently the instructor was talking mainly to the pregnant women.

Sometimes it seems like this whole pregnancy is just all about the woman. It's sexist, I tell you. Anyway, to summarize tonight's class:

1. When contractions start, breath slowly.

2. When contractions get worse, breath faster.

3. When it really hurts, breath as fast as you can, while making this sound: "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Or something like that, I didn't take notes. There's only one class left, then we're certified to become parents. I hope we pass- I'd hate to have to have my wife be forced into overtime!