My brother's gift giving skills

Speaking of the holiday season, I have to tell you about my brother's amazing gift giving talents. You know how some families have that one person who spends days, no, WEEKS, picking out the perfect gift for each person in the family? They spend hours thinking about each person's unique personality and preferences, their hobbies, wishes, desires and dreams, and choose the exact right gift for that person? They get that person something that isn't just a gift for a day, or a week, but a gift that is absolutely cherished for a lifetime?

Do you know a person like that? If you do, imagine the exact opposite of that person and you'll have my brother.

For many years he gave everyone in the family the tasty goodness of sausage gift packs. You know the kind, they come with cheese and sometimes little jellies. It didn't matter what age you were, you got a sausage pack. 50 year old man? Sausage pack. Six year old girl? Sausage pack. Newly married couple having your first Christmas together? Two sausage packs.

Then tragedy struck my brother's Christmas plans- The sausage pack place closed. He was probably the only one still buying them in this millennium. Last year he bought everyone University of Montana Grizzly t-shirts, and just to make sure nobody got their feeling hurt he bought everyone the same size... Double XL. That's okay, though, because my wife and I cut ours up and sewed them into a fancy new car cover. If we had added the one my daughter got we could have had a carnival tent.

This Christmas we all got shirts and underwear that says "Remove before flight" on them. I'm still not sure what that's all about, but I can hardly wait to see what next year brings. I think I'm going to give him Manly Candles, which are the perfect gift for any occasion.