WIN 100 BUCKS!!! REALLY!!!

Manly Man Candle Company is looking for a new logo to last us through the next year, and guess who could design it? That's right, YOU!!!

Here's what we're looking for:

1. Your picture must positively drip with manliness. If your logo or drawing is so manly that my computer grows hair when the image comes up you're in the running.

2. It should not be pornographic. Remember, I'm married to a Southern girl.

3. No rules on materials or style. You want to do it in crayon? Great. You want to use Illustrator? Great. You want to use your own blood? Okay, that's weird, but who am I to stifle your creativity?


That's it. I'm giving you guys free reign on this, so don't let me down. The winner will be chosen by me, and I'll give you full credit both on this blog and a special page on the www.manlymancandlecompany.com website that sings your praises.

You can't buy advertising like that!

Anyway, that's the deal. Go for it, and don't let me down!

Manly Man Race Team

Here's some Manly Man Candle Company trivia- We actually sponsored a race team in the Dakar Rally! If you look really, really closely on the front fender of the bike in the picture you'll see a white round sticker on there that says "Manly Man Racing". There are a few more on the bike, but you can't see them in this picture, they were all worn off by the blowing sand about a week into the race. Oh well.

The Dakar Rally runs mostly through Northwestern Africa, and is the most famous race of its type in the world. The guy we sponsored actually finished the race, which is a pretty major accomplishment. Another interesting note- The race was canceled this year because of terrorist threats.

Just thought that was cool. We're looking to do more sponsorships in the future, so if you see a NASCAR team that looks a little manlier than all the rest, it might be us.

But you'll have to smell them to be sure. They'll smell terrific. And manly, which goes without saying.

A quick history of MMCC

I get a few questions I get all the time- How did you get started? How did you become the massive corporate giant that you are? How did you become the human embodiment of twisted steel and sex appeal?

Well, it all started in the seventies. When a man and woman love each other, very, very much, like my parents did, they... Wait. I might be going back a little too far. Let's just talk about the history of Manly Man Candle Company.

A few years ago, in late 2005, I was living in Las Vegas and working for a company that wrote credit card processing software. It was basically a "sausage-fest" as they say in nerd lingo, an almost all male environment. We would do things that men in groups will often do, such as:

1. Play fantasy football

2. Change co-workers computer wallpapers to wildly inappropriate images

3. Engage in horseplay that was very much against the company handbook

4. Have push-up contests

5. Talk about how much we hated our jobs

It's the last one that's important to this story. My best buddy at the company, Brett, and I would often go have lunch together and discuss all things manly. On bad days we would spend most of the time thinking about ways we could start our own business and get the heck out of there. Most of our ideas were complete and utter crap, just dumb ideas to make each other laugh, like NASCAR coffins. Which, now that I think about it, is still a good idea. Feel free to use it.

One day, though, lightning struck. Brett walked into my office and asked if I wanted to take a smoke break. Neither of us smoked, so this was code for "I need to speak to you outside". This usually occurred when one of us was about to go postal, so we headed out the door. He told me the idea.

"You know what you never see? A candle that's not girly. They all smell like flowers or babies or sunshine or crap like that. We should make candles that are scented just for men. We'll call them Man-dles."

I said, "Brett, I don't know if that's the best idea in the world or the absolute worst, but either way, we're doing it."

So we started. We registered www.candles4men.com, which has now expired, researched how to make candles, ordered supplies and started experimenting. After much trial and error we had a few scents perfected, which we took to work and had all of our buddies smell and offer their opinions. We put those five scents on the web store, and the orders just started pouring in. Okay, we sold about three the first year. But that's a story for another post.

Tomorrow's story- Why we're not called Mandles anymore!

Wow, a cliffhanger!

Manly Man of the Week

Some are born to greatness, others have greatness thrust upon them. I'm a little of both. Sure, I try to lay low and just live a normal life, but the paparazzi keep following me. They're hiding in a wheat field across the gravel road from me right now, trying to snap a picture of me in a compromising position. Sure, my psychiatrist tells me that they're not there, and that they've never been there, but I'm pretty sure he's working for them. They're all out to get me.

But let's put my psychosis behind us for a minute. Yesterday was my daughter's first day of high school. I know what you're thinking- How could someone so young, powerful, sexy, and manly have a daughter old enough to be in high school? I got an early start- I was only 14 when she was born.

Yeah, that's it. 14.

Anyway, she came home last night and started telling us about her day, and guess what? After running a campaign of literally MINUTES she's now the freshman class president. I'm pretty sure she ran a campaign based on change, relaxed dress codes, and a Manly Man candle in every classroom.

Here's to you, my little dictator. You're the Manly Man of the Week.

One hundred posts

I know what you're thinking. "Nice to see you again. Finally decided to post something again, huh, Captain Keyboard? You're so lazy it makes my kidneys hurt."

I haven't been lazy, I wanted to leave the last post up for a while so more people would read it. No, really. Okay, I've been lazy.

Seriously, though, we just passed a milestone, people. One hundred posts have come and gone, and I'm sure that you've read each and every one of them. Repeatedly. Right? No? Well, that's okay, I've barely read some of them myself.

I just want you all to know that I'm totally amazed that it's lasted this long, since I have a tendency to get bored quickly. Once again I amaze myself! I'm my own biggest fan!

I'll never whine again

I need to be serious for a moment here.

I'm not just a master candle artisan, I also work full time in the service department of a motorcycle shop. Very manly. I smell gas fumes and listen to classic rock blasting through an 80s boombox about 40 hours a week, and I love it. It definitely keeps me in touch with manly men.

Today I met a REAL man, and I'd like to tell you about it.

We did some repair work on a cool six wheel utility vehicle a couple of days ago- It's like a four wheeler but with two more wheels in the back. The unusual thing about it was that the thumb throttle was mounted upside down on the left hand side of the handlebars, instead of the right hand side where it usually is. I've seen this before- Sometimes people have hurt their right hands or even had strokes that limit their ability to use the throttle, and this trick is a clever adjustment that lets them keep riding and working.

When the man who owned the 6 x 6 came in I told him what we did to fix his rig, then he shakily signed his credit card slip with his left hand. I walked out to help him load it up on his trailer, and we got to talking. After some small talk while loading it up, I offered to help him down off of his trailer, and he told me his story as he took my hand to steady himself.

In 1967, he got shot in the left side of his head, just a bit above his eye, while serving in Vietnam. The medics got to him right away, but they thought he was a dead man. He wasn't. He stayed alive to the hospital, where he was operated on. He lived, but barely. His parents were called, and told that their son probably wouldn't live, but even if he did he would never walk again, talk again, or have kids.

He survived, but had to go through years of rehabilitation. He had to learn how to talk again. He had to learn how to walk again. Strangely, even though he had been a speed reader before he got shot, he was never able to read well again. Some things came back all the way, while others, like perfect speech and full muscle control for the right side of his body, never did.

It's been over 40 years since the bullet took the life he knew. For the last 40 years he's been building a new life, and a damn good one. The doctors said he'd never have kids- He's had five, and is now a grandpa. He not only walks and talks, he's built his own successful transportation company, and you might have seen his trucks on these local roads if you live nearby.

As he was telling me about his life I noticed that not once did I detect the slightest bit of self pity or sadness in him. To be honest, there wasn't much of any emotion in his voice or face, just the sense that he thought this was a pretty good story that he was glad to be sharing. We finished talking after a bit, and he shook my right hand with his left and got in his big Dodge Ram truck and drove away.

For some reason, I felt like crying after he drove away. I knew that I was in the presence of a real man, and I was better and stronger for having talked to him. I also felt guilty for some of the emotions I've been feeling for a while now (not recently, mind you, my life is incredible now, for many reasons). I told my wife this story as soon as I saw her today, and I told her that if I ever start complaining about things to remind me of today.

A typical ending to this would be a "moral to the story"; a way to sum it all up with a lesson for all of humanity to follow to become better people, but I don't think it's that simple. If you read this you'll take something away from it, but what you get is up to you. Some will see a story of triumph and be inspired. Some will see a story of loss and struggle and be saddened. And some will read this and be mad that I didn't write something funny today, and take nothing away, and that's okay too.

So I'm going to sum it all up with this: Today I met a real man, and had a great day. Thanks for reading.

No more samples!

You might have noticed that something is missing from the Manly Man Candle Company website. More likely, though, you haven't, which is fine too.

I've taken the sample packs off the store. That's right, they're no longer for sale, which means that if you got one you now have a collector's item! Put it on eBay, make big money!

Why, you ask? One reason, really. Making a sample pack sucks. It takes a long, long time, and is really tedious and boring, much like dates with a girl I used to know.

But that's another story.