Manly Man Candle Company presents: Manly Thoughts

New Star Trek movie

2009-05-07T21:01:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've posted- I've been basking in the glow of my new son, and I've got to tell you it's been AWESOME. However, I can't let this event go: The new Star Trek movie comes out May 8th.

I will be there. Look for the guy in the Klingon uniform. That won't be me.

Sweetest watercraft ever?

2009-04-07T05:48:00.000-07:00

A friend showed this to me yesterday, and one thing is clear: I need this more than oxygen.

First race results

2009-04-06T05:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was HUGE for Manly Man Race Team- We had our very first race. Besides the fact that we didn't have any jerseys, stickers, branding of any kind, logos, or practice, I think it went really well.

Now that I think about it, I should tell you about something my rider said. I asked if he was going to practice before the race, and he said, "Well, I guess I should get there a bit early to take a few laps, but I really don't want to get up that early."

I tell you, when you hear dedication like that, it just about brings tears to your eyes. Literally.

Anyway, we got there a couple of hours later than most, but that was all part of our strategy. We got everything set up in our pit area (the parking lot), walked to the grandstands (two sets of wooden bleachers that were in imminent danger of collapse), and surveyed the competition (at the time, the eight year olds and younger were on the track). Some of them looked FAST. I became worried.

The time for our race arrived, and my guy was first out of the gates. He actually led the race for about 100 yards, at which point I sprinted up to a track official and tried to get the race ended on a technicality. They said no, unfortunately, and for some reason continued to allow other riders to pass my guy.

Rest assured I will be filing a formal protest.

So, long story short, we had a great time, and even though we didn't have to clear space for a giant trophy we were winners in the only way it really matters. We were the manliest men at the race, and have the candles to prove it.

The Love Boat

2009-03-26T20:26:00.001-07:00

Greatest show of all time.

Rooster named Danger

2009-03-22T15:11:00.000-07:00

One of my daughter's friends has a rooster named "Danger".

I find that hysterical.

If you created this Raging Cow...

2009-03-19T20:27:00.000-07:00

If you created this Raging Cow image you are Manly Man marketing material. This is a logo for milk, of all things. EXTREEEEEEME MILK!!!!!!

I don't know if they sell this anymore, but I love it so.

Welcome new Manly Man!

2009-03-19T14:39:00.000-07:00

The world's newest Manly Man was born at 12:52 AM 3/18/2009, and both he and his Beautiful Southern Mom™ are perfectly healthy.

Sorry for the short post, but I'm going to hold my new son. It's an amazing thing.

Thundercat status: Go?

2009-03-17T01:31:00.001-07:00

It's 2:32, and I was just woken up by my Beautiful Southern Wife™, we could be in the final countdown.

More as this develops!

Pregnancy update

2009-03-16T20:37:00.000-07:00

I was trying to find a picture of a VERY pregnant woman to go along with this post, and I finally ended up with Octomom. No, I am not Octomom's baby daddy, contrary to what the media is saying.

Anyway, just a quick update here on Mrs. Manly Man: Her due date was March 10th. It is now March 16th, and she is still pregnant.

Mrs. Manly Man is very tired of being pregnant. I'm beginning to think this little Manly Man is going to be enrolled in school before he's born. Maybe he'll have a little Magnum P.I. mustache when he comes out!

Updates to follow, wish us luck!

Let sleeping dogs lie

2009-03-10T12:50:00.000-07:00

I'm loving posting videos lately. This one can officially be declared "hilarious".

Announcement on Terrell Owens

2009-03-09T17:57:00.000-07:00

Now that Terrell Owens has officially signed with the Buffalo Bills I can tell this story.

Manly Man Candle Company has been in spirited negotiations to obtain the services of Mr. Owens for the past several weeks. We felt that he would really bring something special to the company- After all, he's really strong, so he could probably lift a lot of candles, and he's pretty fast, so our shipping speeds would probably increase, too.

Sadly, though, our negotiations broke down, we just couldn't come to terms that both sides could agree on. The main sticking point is that Buffalo offered him over six million dollars for one year, and Manly Man Candle Company only offered three dollars an hour. His agent said that wasn't enough, and said that three dollars an hour was, in fact, illegal, since it was well below minimum wage, so we upped our bid to three dollars an hour PLUS a free candle once a week, but some people are just never satisfied.

Oh well. Good luck with the Bills, Terrell. You don't know what you're missing!

Forklift failure

2009-03-03T21:04:00.000-08:00

Wanna see something amazing? Watch the video above before reading more.

Did you watch it? Crazy, huh? Did you notice the forklift driver abandon ship and run for his life? I didn't notice that until about five viewings.

I know exactly what the driver was thinking. I got this. I got this. I got this. *bump* RUNNNNN!!!!!

I wonder who had to clean it up. Personally, I think that the driver should get an award, because if that whole thing came down with one little bump, then they're lucky it didn't come down when some kid tried to climb up on it. At least this way nobody was hurt, and it makes an ABSOLUTELY AWESOME MANLY VIDEO.

Things I think about

2009-03-02T20:30:00.000-08:00

Okay, people, it's time for the final countdown. We're a week away from day my Beautiful Southern Wife™ is supposed to deliver our very first manly man, and it's getting pretty exciting. It seemed like this day would never come, but after only 14 trimesters of pregnancy the day is finally just about here. Every time the phone rings I'm sure I'm going to hear the words my wife is supposed to say when she goes into labor- "THUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!"

Yes, I stole that from the movie "Juno". It's funny, sue me.

As you can tell, I spend a great deal of time thinking about this. In fact, I probably spend about 45% of my day thinking about the labor, birth, and life of my new son. The other 55% of my thoughts are divided between my wife, daughter, dogs, and motorcycles. In order to spare anyone's feelings I won't tell you the specific percentages between those.

To provide some insight into what makes me such an expert on being manly, here's a list of things I thought about today:

1. I need to change oil in the car. Maybe Wednesday.

2. I should have my family over for dinner soon. Maybe Wednesday.

3. Nice weather really brings the motorcycle riders out.

4. I need a new audiobook to listen to on my commutes to and from work.

5. I can't wait to put our new scent on the website and tell the world about it. It rocks.

So there are a few of the not-so-complicated thoughts of a not-so-complicated man. If you stay tuned you'll see the new scent launch (or drop, as the kids say these days) a few days after the launch of my new son. It comes from a suggestion that one of my customers gave me, and it's perfect for Manly Man Candle Company.

Sad update on the mustache

2009-02-28T08:44:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks ago I posted that a few of my friends and I were going to grow some kick butt facial hair, as I'm sure you remember. You remember, don't you?

How did it go, you ask? Ummmm..... Not too well. I started out by growing a fairly sexy beard, just so I could avoid the painful initial stages of mustache lip. Then, one morning when my beard was thick and manly, I broke out the trimmer and took off everything that didn't look particularly Tom Sellecky. Clippings filled the sink. Gradually my face appeared.

Then I learned that trimming a beard into a mustache is harder than it looks. I took too many whiskers off the 'stache, which left it a bit too... well..... Hitler-ish. I knew something had gone wrong, but I went to work with it anyway, which was probably a mistake because my boss saluted me like I was in the SS as soon as I walked in the door.

Yep, it was a long day at work.

Anyhoo, I've been growing the beard out again just so I can take another stab at it. This time I'm going for less crazy dictator and more sexy detective- Pictures may be forthcoming if it turns out well.

Evolution of a manly label

2009-02-27T09:06:00.000-08:00

It's time for another trip down memory lane. I've been spending a couple hours each night redesigning the labels for Manly Man Candles and it got me to thinking about some of my previous designs. So, with no further ado, here are the previous side label designs:

From July of 2006- My first real attempt. I can't remember the font, but I thought the fire inside the lettering was cool. I may have been wrong.

From October of 2006. We decided that we needed a company color, and decided on red. The inner flames still burned within the letters.

In May of 2007 I changed to the new font. I tried to save work by making the labels as uniform as possible, but while this looked good it made it very hard to tell the candles apart from each other. The bull started appearing around the website and labels.

February 2008 brought an effort to add color and humor to the labels. Now the candles said "Do not eat", "Not to be used as a flotation device", "99% plutonium free", and more.

Which brings us to today. Don't worry, the humor's still there, it's just been moved to the warning label.

Thinking about changing my name

2009-02-26T20:28:00.000-08:00

My Name is Grassman. Brent Grassman. Shaken, not stirred.

See, that just doesn't work. My first name, Brent, has served me adequately for 37 years now, but I'm not going to say it's been without some problems. I've been called Brett, Rhett, Gent, and twice people actually thought my name was Prince. No, I'm not kidding. Prince.

I've always wanted a name that's a bit more common. Like Ben, John, or Steve. A simple name that people wouldn't make me repeat. Now that I'm the owner of a major global company I'm thinking about changing my name to better suit my new stature. I have three criteria for my future name- It must ooze manliness, it must be easy to remember, and it must be somewhat short- I don't have time for long signatures.

So with that in mind, here are a few possibilities:

1. Jake Stone

2. Hank Scorpio (see above picture)

3. Rock Steel

4. Man Lee McCandle (the "Mc" is silent)

5. Al Uminum

6. Russ Tedbearing

I have many, many ideas, but I can't seem to pick one that fits me perfectly yet. Suggestions are appreciated.

Here's how to fix the U.S. auto industry

2009-02-23T09:10:00.000-08:00

Break the mold. Shift the paradigm. Hire more attractive women to stand next to your cars.

Hey, couldn't hurt.

Brewing with Mr. Beer

2009-02-22T20:48:00.000-08:00

Guess what time it is- Time to brew!

The picture above shows the glory of "Mr. Beer", a home brewing kit that let's any Tom, Dick or Brent turn ordinary water into beer. Yes, you read that right, I'm so manly I make my own beer.

Mr. Beer is super-convenient, too, as you can have cold beer in your fridge in as little as six weeks! It takes really, really good planning to be an alcoholic with Mr. Beer.

It's really easy to make your own beer. All you have to do is follow 1,594 steps in the perfect order, measure everything precisely, store it at the perfect temperature, read to it every night before it goes to bed, and about 45 days later you'll have some of the most delicious liquid you've ever tasted.

Unless something went wrong. Then it'll taste like burnt poop.

I'll let you know how it goes!

Happy Day After Valentine's Day!

2009-02-16T08:54:00.000-08:00

Here's a little something for you female Manly Men. I'm writing this a day late because I spent all of yesterday (Valentine's Day) taking the very best care of my Beautiful Southern Wife™. To sum up my day:

1. Woke up early, made her breakfast in bed.

2. Put in "Steel Magnolias" for us to watch as we had breakfast in bed.

3. Took the dishes to the kitchen and washed them as she drifted back off to dreamland.

4. After doing the dishes, I took the petals from some of the twelve dozen roses I bought her and placed them into a hot (but not too hot) bubble bath I had just run for her.

5. When her bath was done, I draped her in a brand new ultra-soft terry cloth robe I got her just for Valentine's Day and led her to the living room, where I had a hot cup of decaffeinated coffee, a new copy of Us Weekly, and "The View" on television.

6. As she watched "The View", I massaged her feet.

7. We then drove to the mall, where we shopped for makeup, clothes, and baby stuff.

8. After the mall, we went to a pet store where we looked at puppies and kittens.

9. We then took a lovely drive through town, holding hands and talking about our feelings.

10. I then took her to Macaroni Grill for a nice dinner.

11. After dinner, I stood on the table and told everyone in the restaurant how much I loved my wife, then sang her a love song in Italian. Several grown men cried from the sheer beauty and emotion of my singing.

12. Next up was a quick drive home, where I tucked her in, cuddled with her, rubbed her back, stroked her hair and whispered tender love messages to her as she once again drifted off to dreamland.

Yep, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Coolest snow machine EVER

2009-02-14T21:48:00.000-08:00

First off, this video is ten minutes long, so I don't expect you to watch it all. There, you're off the hook. I, however, have watched this. Twice. And it's so freaking cool I want to build something like it ASAP.

I just realized there are about ten things I want to build, all of the manly, most of them kind of dumb. I should make a list of them one of these days...

More manly engineering

2009-02-14T21:43:00.000-08:00

Love your old motorcycle, but disappointed that you can't ride it on the water? Problem solved. I can't find a video of it actually moving, but if it works as good as it looks then there shouldn't be any issues, right?

Just got back from labor class

2009-02-09T21:22:00.000-08:00

Now that my Beautiful Southern Wife™ is heading into her 7th trimester (or so it seems to me) we've been doing the pre-delivery classes. The first one we did was "Labor Basics", where we learned the do's and don'ts of a hospital delivery, such as:

Do pack a bag filled with everything you'll need for your hospital stay.

Don't fill that bag with with earplugs and motorcycle magazines for yourself.

Do position yourself so you can help the mother and be supportive.

Don't push the doctor out of the way while yelling, "I got this one, college boy!"

I could go on, but you get the drift- Don't do anything that might upset the expectant mother, or anything that might be fun. The second class was on breastfeeding, which I didn't attend, because, as I explained to my wife, that doesn't seem like a skill I'm really going to need. Turns out I was the only husband who didn't attend, so apparently I was a little off base on that one.

Tonight's class was "Comfort Measures", which covered breathing techniques and described the various drugs the mother can take during the labor and delivery. To start the class the instructor asked if anyone had been having trouble sleeping. I said no, that I was sleeping like a rock, but apparently the instructor was talking mainly to the pregnant women.

Sometimes it seems like this whole pregnancy is just all about the woman. It's sexist, I tell you. Anyway, to summarize tonight's class:

1. When contractions start, breath slowly.

2. When contractions get worse, breath faster.

3. When it really hurts, breath as fast as you can, while making this sound: "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Or something like that, I didn't take notes. There's only one class left, then we're certified to become parents. I hope we pass- I'd hate to have to have my wife be forced into overtime!

Gas prices, part two

2009-02-05T19:27:00.000-08:00

Look, I know that gas is WAY cheaper than it was a year ago, and that's all well and good, but here in Montana it has gone up 30 cents in the past three weeks, while the price of crude oil has continued to go down.

Who can tell me why this is? Yep, that's right, because they can.

So I've decided if the gas and oil companies can decide to rip people off when the weather warms up so can I. Starting today I have raised the prices of small candles to $598.99, medium candles to $923.99, and large candles will now set you back $28,699.99.

Oh, wait, no I'm not. Because I don't suck, unlike gas companies.

Miss Manners

2009-02-04T10:15:00.000-08:00

This is an honest to God Miss Manners cartoon. I'm going to memorize this line and say it to people at work for no good reason.

My Superbowl thoughts

2009-02-03T09:40:00.000-08:00

As a life-long Steeler fan I am, of course, thrilled that they won the Superbowl. They had the hardest schedule in the NFL this year, and had an absolutely amazing season. Congratulations to all involved, including the Cardinals, who played a fantastic game.

I watched the game at my dad's house with my family. We all met there for one reason- To enjoy the company of my loving family and share the joy of a big event; to build memories that would last a lifetime.

Just kidding. He has the biggest TV, so it was a no-brainer. My television, by the way, is a manly, manly piece of audio/video equipment... The screen measures a GIGANTIC 27 inches, and it features low definition, mono sound, and several dents. Seriously.

Anyhoo, here's a quick summation of my emotions during the game:

1. Yay!

2. Yay!

3. Damn!

4. Damn- WAIT, JAMES HARRISON INTERCEPTED IT, RUNRUNRUNRUNRUN YES TOUCHDOWN!!

5. Halftime.

6. Yay!

7. Damn!

8. Damn!

9. Double Damn!

10. Oh Lord we're behind, I need to go lie down. I'm so very sad.

11. OH YEAH WE'RE WINNING AGAIN I LOVE EVERYBODY!

12. Terror that Kurt Warner would break my heart

13. It's over, I'm exhausted.

That was a great game. I'm tired just thinking about it. Oh, and that Doritos crystal ball commercial made coke come out my nose. Awesome.

Manly Man of the Week

2009-02-01T09:46:00.000-08:00

I usually try to stay away from writing about politics- It's never good business to alienate half of your customers, and I think there are more than enough places on the web where you can read about politics if you want to. Today, though, I'm going to make an exception, and make President Barack Obama the Manly Man of the Week.

By the way, if any politician is reading this, I need to talk to you about my "Manly Man Candle Bailout Program" idea. I promise I won't buy a $50 million jet with my bailout money, and I won't ask for more after I get my initial 3 billion dollars.

I suggest that you check out the White House Website, too. Amazing stuff on there.

Every continent, baby!

2009-01-31T09:32:00.000-08:00

I'm a month late in reporting this, but guess what? Someone from EVERY CONTINENT IN THE WORLD HAS READ THE MANLY MAN CANDLE COMPANY BLOG. I got this email on December 22 of 2008.

Hello Brent,

As promised a message from Antarctica.

For maps, pics and webcam views just click here.

So, a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all at Manly Man Candles.

Best wishes,

Mike Gloistein
RRS James Clark Ross

That, my friends, is TOO COOL. Mike, you rock, and we all wish you the absolute best luck and safest journey possible. Bring me back a penguin and you get free candles for a year.

Now, who on the International Space Station has access to the net and can do me a quick favor? The candles only way five ounces, so that won't add much to your payload!

No weird food cravings

2009-01-30T09:42:00.000-08:00

Men who have lived with pregnant women ~~all deserve medals~~ know that they ~~can be crazy~~ are truly performing miracles, and appreciate their hard work. I tell my wife at least once a day how much I respect her for carrying our child, and I also tell her that I'm jealous and wish that I could carry him for a while and experience the miracle myself.

That's a lie and we both know it, but she smiles politely.

You know how television shows usually have pregnant women craving weird things like pickles and ice cream? Well, I like pickles, and I'm more than happy to enjoy some ice cream, so one of the things I was looking forward to most was indulging in delicious foods for nine months.

How well has that worked out for me? Not well at all.

What has she craved? Nothing. Guess what's happened... She's gotten food aversions. That's right, there are no foods she craves, only foods that she no longer likes.

Tacos? Can't eat them. Macaroni and cheese? Can't stand the sight. Energy bars? Nope. So, instead of me gorging myself on ice cream and junk food, I get to eat healthy foods, and that's a complete rip off.

Yes, I'm whining, but here's the point: I will trade anyone a small Manly Man Candle for a taco. Email me for details, but please hurry- I could really use a taco.

My health status: Fine

2009-01-29T08:40:00.000-08:00

Do you recognize the man in the picture above? It's none other than Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple, Inc. He's an amazing man, really, with a list of accomplishments as long or longer than almost anybody in the computer industry. Some of his creations include the Apple II, the Macintosh, the iPod, and the iPhone, and oh yeah, he also bought Pixar Animation and led that company as they produced Toy Story, The Incredibles, Cars, and many more amazing films.

So yeah, he's a cool guy. A manly man, to say the least. A man who has pushed the human race forward, as a great Apple commercial once said about other people.

Now Steve Jobs has temporarily left Apple for health reasons, and the computer industry has their collective panties in a bunch. Apple stock has fluctuated because of fears of his lack of leadership and inspiration. People are thinking about filing lawsuits because they think Apple hid the severity of his illness from investors. Rumors are flying around cyberspace about what's wrong with him. CNN even posted an iReport a month or so ago saying that he was dead. They retracted it as soon as they found out he was still alive, but Apple's stock fell severely on the (fake) news.

Okay, I'm rambling, but I really identify with Steve. We're both the undisputed leaders of our companies. We're both visionaries- Him with computer tech, and me with manly scents. We're both manly, manly men who can grow great facial hair (you should see my mustache!). We're both billionaires who can change the world with the snap of our fingers.

Well, I guess I don't completely identify with Steve, but you get the idea.

Best wishes to you Steve. This commercial fits you as well as anyone:

The Steeler's kicker rocks

2009-01-28T22:32:00.000-08:00

So the Steelers are in the Superbowl again, and they're probably going to get ring number six. As a Steeler fan, I couldn't be happier.

Then I found this picture on the web. This picture was apparently taken within the past day or two, and it's of Pittsburgh kicker Jeff Reed enjoying himself (and his hair care products) in Tampa.

I love this picture, and I'm glad you're having a good time, Jeff, but you'd better not miss a field goal in the game, or as Ricky would say to Lucy, "You got some 'splain' to do!"

MMCC racing update

2009-01-28T10:08:00.000-08:00

Just a quick update on the Manly Man Candle Company Race Team (MMCCRT- An acronym that rolls off the tongue). We're preparing for our first big race. Lap times are decreasing. Speeds are increasing. We're practicing starts, trying different lines, turning double jumps into triples, triples into quadruples, and quadruples into whatever is one bigger than that. I'm putting the finishing touches on the new stickers, working on new shirts and team colors, and figuring out ways to have a lot of fun and put in some good finishes.

I'm excited, and I'll probably bore you to death with updates when the season actually starts. Wish us luck!

MAGNUM P.I. MUSTACHES

2009-01-27T10:04:00.000-08:00

It is ON LIKE DONKEY KONG.

I work with men. Quite a few of them, actually, and when we're together the testosterone level can get out of hand quickly. A few days ago it reached a new, astonishing level, and a few of us decided that the only thing we could do to raise it to an even higher level would be to grow the thickest, bushiest, Magnum P.I. mustaches we could.

Is there anything manlier? I think not.

So now a few of us are in the growth stage of the best freaking mustaches the world has ever known. Ron Burgandy style. Geraldo Rivera style. A few of the guys have referred to them as "porn star mustaches", but since I've never seen a porn movie or even looked at a "nudie magazine" before I'll have to take their word for it.

It's interesting how facial hair works. Me, being a manly man, can grow facial hair pretty much at will. I had to start shaving at age six. A few of my coworkers are having a bit more trouble getting the old cookie duster to grow quickly, but I'm sure they'll sprout into amazing displays of bad decision making with a couple of weeks.

I might put a picture of us up, if properly motivated. Have you been over to the candle company lately?

The moving process

2009-01-26T09:46:00.000-08:00

I got some great advice on moving a couple of months ago, and I think that it's manly enough to share with you.

"When you're moving, try to get two trucks. Put everything you're going to keep in one truck, and put everything you're going to throw away into the other. When you're done, take them both to the dump."

I'm not sure how practical that is, but I certainly understand the feeling behind it. Oh, and here's another question. How do women always know where stuff is?

Me: "Honey, where's the spare key to first car we ever owned and in fact sold about 15 years ago?"

Wife: "Oh, that's in the spare bedroom, third drawer down, on the left hand side, towards the back. If I remember right, it's under that Motley Crue fan club magazine you had."

Drives me crazy, but it comes in handy!

GUINEA PIGS 4 SALE, CHEAP

2009-01-25T09:43:00.000-08:00

About a year ago, my then 14 year old daughter decided that the cutest thing in the world is a guinea pig, and that she had to have one. I, of course, put my foot down, and said (in no uncertain terms) that she had to ask her mom.

Very manly, I know. I can sense that you're impressed with my awesome decision making and parenting skills, and I accept your awe in my typical graceful way. The true beauty of this maneuver is that there was no way my sweet wife would ever say yes, so I would get to be the good guy, and she would have to be the bad guy and say no.

My wife, though, didn't live up to her end of the bargain. She also thought that guinea pigs are the cutest things in the world, so not only did my lovely daughter end up with a guinea pig (named Penny), my wife ended up with a pig of her own (named Chewy).

They're cute, no doubt. They're both females, because I'm not interested in becoming a guinea pig breeder- At least not yet. They're lots of fun, too. They chase each other around their pens, kick up wood chips, drink lots of water, poop, and eat. Here's a list of everything they can do:

1. Chase each other around the pen

2. Kick up wood chips

3. Drink lots of water

4. Poop

5. Eat

6. Absolutely nothing else

They don't mind being held and petted, and in fact, they remind me of a tribble from the original Star Trek series. However, for the right price, these awesome pets can be yours. Bidding starts at -$5.00 (I pay you five dollars to take them). Bid early and bid often!

My brother's gift giving skills

2009-01-24T14:36:00.000-08:00

Speaking of the holiday season, I have to tell you about my brother's amazing gift giving talents. You know how some families have that one person who spends days, no, WEEKS, picking out the perfect gift for each person in the family? They spend hours thinking about each person's unique personality and preferences, their hobbies, wishes, desires and dreams, and choose the exact right gift for that person? They get that person something that isn't just a gift for a day, or a week, but a gift that is absolutely cherished for a lifetime?

Do you know a person like that? If you do, imagine the exact opposite of that person and you'll have my brother.

For many years he gave everyone in the family the tasty goodness of sausage gift packs. You know the kind, they come with cheese and sometimes little jellies. It didn't matter what age you were, you got a sausage pack. 50 year old man? Sausage pack. Six year old girl? Sausage pack. Newly married couple having your first Christmas together? Two sausage packs.

Then tragedy struck my brother's Christmas plans- The sausage pack place closed. He was probably the only one still buying them in this millennium. Last year he bought everyone University of Montana Grizzly t-shirts, and just to make sure nobody got their feeling hurt he bought everyone the same size... Double XL. That's okay, though, because my wife and I cut ours up and sewed them into a fancy new car cover. If we had added the one my daughter got we could have had a carnival tent.

This Christmas we all got shirts and underwear that says "Remove before flight" on them. I'm still not sure what that's all about, but I can hardly wait to see what next year brings. I think I'm going to give him Manly Candles, which are the perfect gift for any occasion.

It's been crazy, but I'm back

2009-01-23T21:29:00.000-08:00

Hi everybody!

Sorry for the lack of updates. Christmas season turned out to be absolutely crazy, and I'm just recovering from everything now. The past month has included:

1. Many, many candle shipments. Thank you all very much- My life goal of making the world a manlier smelling place is well underway!

2. Incredibly bad weather, which caused massive snow drifts that covered my yard and the roads leading to it. This led to the the next activity, which was...

3. The complete relocation of my family and Manly Man Candle Company to a new house and candle production facility (basement). The candle factory has been upgraded in every way, including the addition of a world-class dog sled team to ensure winter delivery. Actually, we moved because...

4. My beautiful southern wife is now very, very pregnant (almost eight months!), and didn't need to be living where there's a pretty good chance that we would be snowed in. I've tried to convince her that I can deliver this baby, but she would rather have a doctor do it for some reason. I'm almost 74% positive that I can handle it, but she remains as stubborn as only a southern girl can get. Clean towels, hot water, yell PUSH!!! PUSH!!! PUSH!!!, cut the cord, slap the new mother's butt, and boom, happy new baby, right? It's simple. I wish she had more faith in me, but I guess that's how it goes sometimes.

5. This holiday season also brought the first visit of my father-in-law to Montana. It went very well, thank heavens. He was amazed by the snow, and does NOT want to move here.

Anyway, I could go on for pages, but those are the biggies. I'm sure your holiday season was crazy too, but I hope you had a great one, and may 2009 be your manliest year ever!

Charts

2008-12-10T21:54:00.000-08:00

In a former life I was the guy who took raw data and turned it into charts that were easily understandable. It was really, really stimulating. Okay, not really. I wish I had seen these pie charts back then, because I would have snuck them into my presentations just to see if anyone was paying attention.

Perhaps I'll make some charts about Manly Candles...

Lexus commercials piss me off

2008-12-07T19:29:00.000-08:00

I hope this doesn't make me seem jealous or petty, but Lexus can take a flying leap. The economy is in the crapper, millions of people have or are in danger of losing their homes, and Lexus commercials show rich people giving each other cars for Christmas.

Here is my solemn vow: If I become a freaking BILLIONAIRE I will never purchase a car from Lexus. If you own a Lexus I suggest you sell it and spend the money on Manly Candles.

Actually, if you own any car I suggest you sell it and buy Manly Candles. That's a really good idea.

LOWER PRICES ON LARGE CANDLES!!!!

2008-12-01T20:07:00.000-08:00

For maximum effect, please don't read this post silently, scream it at the top of your lungs, with special emphasis on the larger words. Thank you.

SUNDAY!!! SUNDAY!!! SUNDAY!!! AND EVERY OTHER DAY UNTIL 2009!!!

THE MANLY MAN HAS GONE CRAZY!!! HE'S SLASHING PRICES ON EVERYTHING!!! WAIT, NO, HE'S JUST SLASHING PRICES ON LARGE CANDLES, WHICH I THINK YOU'LL AGREE IS PRETTY GOOD TOO!!!!

LARGE CANDLES WERE $12.99, WHICH WAS ALREADY A STEAL, ALREADY A CRAZY LOW PRICE, AND NOW THE MANLY MAN HAS SLICED THEM TO $11.99, NO, $10.99!!! STOP HIM, IT'S TOO LOW!!! HE'S GIVING THEM AWAY!!! WE'RE LOSING MONEY WITH EVERY SALE!!!

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! HE'S STILL AT IT!!!!! HE'S CUT THOSE PRICES DOWN TO ONLY $9.99!!!!!!!!!!!! HE'S A MADMAN!!! SOMEONE PHONE THE AUTHORITIES!!!

IF YOU ORDER NOW WE'LL ALSO INCLUDE PACKING PEANUTS!!!! OR PERHAPS SOME OTHER TYPE OF PACKING MATERIAL, DEPENDING ON WHAT WE HAVE AT THE MOMENT!!!!! FREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

ORDER NOW!!!!!!!!

(End commercial)

But seriously, I've lowered the price of the large candles. Buy some!

Great Christmas trees

2008-12-01T19:51:00.000-08:00

As reported earlier, my wife put up our Christmas tree tonight, and we lit two Wild Alaska Manly Candles to fill the rooms with an awesome fresh pine scent and hide the fact that our tree is faker than Pam Anderson's... Well, Pam Anderson's everything, really.

I suggest you and your family try this trick, the scent is incredible. IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. Well, probably not, but if you buy enough of them, it will CHANGE MY LIFE, and that's really what's important to me.

Speaking of trees, I did a little searching and found this great page filled with unusual (and somewhat manly) Christmas trees.

With no further ado:

Look closely. This tree is made from Mountain Dew cans. Diabetics beware!

Here's a cool version of Charlie Brown's tree. I'm a sucker for this one for some reason.

A tree made from green beer bottles. Sweet. I hope they don't have small children or easily excitable pets in the house, because this falling would be a tragedy of FEMA-sized proportions.

There are a few more on this site. Enjoy!

Happy December!

2008-12-01T19:34:00.000-08:00

It's amazing what you can find when you type "sexy Santa" into Google's image search. The picture above is a little something for you female Manly Men who read this... You're welcome.

I am excited that it's December and close to the holidays, that's for sure. The weatherman is calling for snow tonight, and my beautiful pregnant southern wife just put our tree up. I was listening to Christmas music today at work, too, so it's safe to say that I am "in the mood". I don't know why I'm so excited this year, I'm usually not this jolly until the middle of the month. I guess I have a case of Pre-Mistletoe Syndrome.

Expect more corny Christmas-related posts this entire month.

Manly equipment driving

2008-11-25T19:43:00.000-08:00

What do you get if you combine men, heavy equipment, and free time?

This video. So cool it hurts.

Typical manly behavior

2008-11-22T07:46:00.000-08:00

This is one of the purest examples of manly behavior I have ever seen, and I just about spit out a kidney laughing when I first saw it.

Oh, and please note the camera work. See how the camera just stays focused on the couch for about twenty seconds before anything happens? That builds tension. It makes us all say to ourselves, "This is a huge waste of my time. I should go do something else and get a life." Just when you're about to give up you can hear the motor start. Great technique, I'm telling you.

I also love how the guy just laughs when he's done. He's all man, and that's both good and bad, but it makes a great video.

Cartoon I've saved for six months

2008-11-19T22:13:00.001-08:00

I thought it was funny, but I have a somewhat strange sense of humor.

Eucalyptus explosion

2008-11-19T22:01:00.000-08:00

I just spent many, many hours making many, many candles, and for the most part it went very, very smoothly. I've decided that I will double the descriptive words in this post to make it seem much, much more exciting.

Anyhoo, I grabbed a big jug of my special top secret formula for Bob's Eucalyptus and it slipped out of my hands and fell to the floor. Of course, it exploded like a Southern girl who's out of hairspray, so now I have the world's best smelling shoes. I can't wait to go to work tomorrow and see if anybody notices.

Now that I think about it, this really could open up a whole new product line for me- Scented shoes. Oh, it's going to be really, really big.

Awesome bathtub fixtures

2008-11-19T21:55:00.000-08:00

I was surfing the web the other day when I came across this picture and nearly spit my gum out laughing. I've never seen a set of bathroom fixtures that seemed so worried.

I'm in the process of changing my bathroom fixtures right now, but I don't want mine to look worried... I want mine to look awestruck and impressed- I could use the ego boost every morning when I shower.

If you know what I mean.

Simple formula to increase manliness

2008-11-19T21:34:00.000-08:00

One basic formula for increasing manliness is to take an ordinary item and make it, well, extraordinary. This works for almost everything. Regular trucks become monster trucks. Fire crackers and sparklers become the crazy explosives anybody can buy for the 4th of July nowadays. Old fashioned tube televisions become 150" plasma screen movie screens that rival IMAX theaters.

It's simple and effective. There are, however, some things that just can't be made truly manly. A unicycle may very well be one of them, as seen above. Other items that can't use this formula include fanny packs, Croc shoes, and of course the Mazda Miata. The only way to make these items manly is to fill them with Manly Man Candles, a practice I fully endorse.

Human nature

2008-11-12T19:44:00.000-08:00

I was looking through some old pictures the other day when I came across a bunch of great snapshots from a trip I took to Laguna Seca. I went there to see the U.S. Grand Prix MotoGP race, and it was AWESOME. The race itself was incredible, but one of the best parts was just watching the people.

Now, I don't condone treating women like objects, but at the MotoGP race they have a bunch of "umbrella girls" walking around advertising various motorcycle related products. These girls will sometimes wear skimpy outfits to garner more male attention, which, again, is a practice I don't believe in.

Let me show you some of the pictures I took of them to prove how much I don't believe in this. Here's an example:

In case you were wondering, the guy with the beard and the white shirt is NOT an umbrella girl. Men just love having their picture taken with these girls for some reason. Now, in this next picture:

You'll notice that the men are happy to see umbrella girls. But I want to talk about human nature for a minute here. See, the interesting part of being at the race wasn't looking at the girls (really, I swear!), it was watching how the guys interacted with the girls. Or, as in my case, didn't interact. I kind of like being a fly on the wall at events like this.

Not like this guy:

See how he got right in the middle of all the girls, no shirt on, and wraps his arms around them? Confident. Manly. A little arrogant, even, but some girls like that. This is one example of male behavior.

Now look at this guy:This guy is with the same group of girls, but look at his arms. If this guy could actually detach his arms and have the camera guy hold them for this picture he would. He's clearly scared to death to touch the girls, and I've got to think they find it cute and endearing. Heck, I found it cute and endearing!

Me? If I'm truly honest with myself I would say I'm a lot more like the shy guy than the shirtless guy, but I have my alpha dog moments too, don't get me wrong.

To sum up: Some people are aggressive, some are passive, some are boisterous, some are shy, and one thing is absolutely certain- They ALL love manly candles.

Guess where!

2008-11-12T09:48:00.000-08:00

My last "Guess where" post was a hit, so I've decided to do it again. I'm cool like that.

On a side note, I should have put a limit on the number of candles you could get with the 50% discount, though, because the winner got so many I think they're going to open up their own Manly Man Candle Company. Good luck to them, and yes, they're still eligible to win, because they'll probably have to restock their store soon!

Okay, here goes- Check out the picture above and either email me where it is or post the answer on this very blog entry. Good luck to all of you geography masters!

Long time, no see

2008-11-11T12:08:00.001-08:00

I haven't posted lately, but rest assured that all is well and big changes are on the way. I've been extremely busy being extremely manly.

A big congrats to the people who guessed Rhyolite, Nevada for the location of the giant naked woman, your coupon is on the way!

Bike pictures!

2008-10-30T21:42:00.000-07:00

People always ask me about my favorite motorcycles, so I thought I'd share pics of my two favorites. This one is my 98 Honda VFR, taken on a trip to Yuma, Arizona one beautiful fall day. If I may geek out for a moment, this bike is one of the best sport-tourers of all time, and the gear driven cams help make what many people, me included, think is the sexiest engine noise of all time. Fast, comfortable, great handling and reliable.
This is my all-time favorite bike, a 2003 Kawasaki KLR 650. I think I spent more money on accessories than the bike itself, but it took me everywhere from the Grand Canyon to Hoover Dam to Death Valley and a thousand other places. I always tell people that the bike was ugly and heavy, but at least it was slow... and that it could fly like an eagle, but it landed like a piano... but I loved it, and selling it was a big mistake.

Me and the giant naked woman

2008-10-30T21:14:00.000-07:00

The title of this post pretty much guarantees that this will become the most popular topic on this blog. Clever, huh? I'm sneaky like that.

Yes, that is a picture of me with a giant cinderblock woman. I was on a motorcycle ride to the middle of nowhere when I found her, and I just had to take a picture. Thank heavens for cameras with self timers!

I'll give the first person to tell me where this giant woman is located 50% off there next order. Email me or post the answer in the comments to claim your prize.

Good luck!

Manly Man Race Team Rides Again

2008-10-27T21:04:00.000-07:00

We're going racing!

We're gonna sponsor a real live motocross racer this spring, and I couldn't be more excited! You won't see us on TV (yet), but I'm pretty sure we'll be competing for the AMA Supercross championship within two years. Look out, James Stewart!

Seriously, though, I'm psyched. I'm designing a full sticker kit for the bike (World's Fastest Candle!), and I'm also trying to figure out how to make the bike's exhaust smell like our best selling candle, Hunting Lodge.

It's probably against the rules to run candle scents in the gas tank, but that's for the courts to truly decide.

I'll keep you all updated with pictures and results, especially if we win. Updates will be sporadic and ill-tempered if we don't win. Wish us luck!

Motorcycle shop humor

2008-10-22T22:28:00.000-07:00

You'll know you're a bike (or car) nerd if you get this story: Somebody asked what the firing order for an old dirt bike was, and one of our mechanics said, "One."

Hhahahahhha, we laughed and laughed. I literally had tears running down my face, and several of the guys nearly collapsed from the unrestrained jocularity.

I guess you had to be there.

The car hunt continues

2008-10-22T22:06:00.000-07:00

As you know, I've been on the prowl for a small, economical used car to drive back and forth to work. I decided to pass on the Geo Metro, mostly because I'm not that secure in my manhood, and I can't ever imagine being that confident.

I've driven two very different vehicles lately, and they both belong to one of my brothers. First is a very manly vehicle, a Dodge Ram V-10 3/4 ton pickup truck. The image below isn't the same truck, but it looks just like it:

My wife has to get a ladder and a trampoline to even get in this truck. I enjoy driving it, because like most guys I used to want to be a truck driver when I was little. It's awesome because you feel invincible driving it, and I can see why people would love this vehicle- Got some mud or a giant snow drift? This truck will go through it. Got a gigantic load to move? This truck will haul it. Got a trailer the size of Arkansas to pull? This truck will pull it. Got a gas station with too much gas? This truck will empty it.

Speaking of gasoline, here's a true story. I got in the truck one morning to go to work and the fuel gauge was in the red and the "I'm running low on gas, spend money" light was on. I pulled up to the gas station, put $25 worth of dinosaur juice in, and got back in. The gauge had moved up about .006 of an inch, and THE LOW FUEL LIGHT WAS STILL ON.

That's when I decided the Dodge Ram V-10 truck wasn't for me. So I am on to the next option, which I'll tell you about soon.

Stay tuned!

Pictures I've been saving

2008-10-19T01:02:00.001-07:00

Once again I find myself unable to sleep, so I've decided it's time to clean up my computer a bit. Pretty much the only place I'm organized is on the computer- I have stuff all over, but my hard drive is a virtual showcase of logical organization. Strange, I suppose, but I doubt I'm the only one like that.

Here are three images that turned up tonight and made me chuckle. If you don't find them amusing try staying up for a long time until you're really, really tired, then look at them again.

I created (well, modified) this image myself for a Photoshop contest a couple of years ago. It used to have a submarine on the display, but I changed it into a chili dog. Not my best work, but it made me laugh tonight.

I didn't make this image, but it's awesome. It would be even more awesome if cats had their own racing league. CATCAR, maybe.

Funny, yet true at the same time. Love it.

Weird toys

2008-10-18T08:47:00.000-07:00

The other day I was looking through a Kawasaki accessories catalog when I came across a couple of teddy bears with the cutest Kawasaki shirts you've ever seen. $20 later, I have two teddy bears that wear the cutest Kawasaki shirts you've ever seen.

Hey, I have a kid, and another on the way! They're not for me!

Some people might think that those are weird, so I did a little research to show you what really weird toys look like- I present the following:

I think this one is called "Bob showed up drunk for work at the toy factory".

Who doesn't want to play with a baby that's being eaten alive?

I don't know what to say about this one, except I would probably buy it, and no, I don't know why. I'd give it someone as a gift, but they'd probably think it was crappy. Hhahahhahahaha, I'm too funny. Sigh.

Anyway, Kawasaki teddy bears are actually pretty normal after seeing this stuff, don't you agree?

Yankee Candles is trying to trick me

2008-10-13T22:12:00.000-07:00

I'm always getting wacky emails, and I love each and every one of them. I've gotten emails saying that I'm a genius, which I agree with, and I've gotten emails saying I'm an idiot, which I also agree with. A couple of days ago, though, I got an email that was a little... suspicious.

The email was from a guy who said he was a teacher in rural Illinois, and he wanted to use Manly Man Candle Company as a learning tool to teach kids how to run a business. I've actually gotten a couple of emails like this from teachers, and I always tell them the same thing- If Manly Man Candle Company is going to be the model for kids to learn how to run a business then we are truly in trouble as a nation, because I'm honestly just making this up as I go along.

Anyway, back to the story. Here's a line from his email:

"I know that you are probably rather protective of any scents and recipees for your product so I was wondering if there would be any way that we could get some of your candle fragrances to add to our handmade soybased candles."

Let's examine this for a minute. Please ignore the misspelling of recipes, that's probably just a typo. Or it could be an intentional mistake to distract me from what's really going on here... He wants me to send him the "fragrance" for Manly Man candles! Is he crazy?!? I had to politely tell him no, and I offered to help his "class" in any other way I could, but I think the truth is that he's a spy for Yankee Candles, and he's trying to get the secret formulas for Manly Man Candles.

Oh, and by the way, Mr. Secret Operative for Yankee Candle Company- It's not a "fragrance", that makes a Manly Man Candle so great, it's 100% TESTOSTERSCENT (patent not pending, I just made that word up). No scent for you!

Home Brew is available!

2008-10-10T21:12:00.000-07:00

A special for all of the people who read the blog- You can order Home Brew before anyone else! I've hidden it on the website (sort of), so you can get it if you want it, but I'm not putting it on the main page or really pushing it until I get credit cards up and running perfectly.

Here's the link to check it out!

Car shopping

2008-10-10T20:14:00.000-07:00

My wife and I are looking for a cheap little car for me to drive back and forth to work in, and good gas mileage is a must. I know that I'm the only person in America who's looking for a cheap car that gets great mileage, so it should be pretty easy, right?

Wrong.

The other day my wife says, "One of my friends said she saw a little car for sale in her neighborhood, we should go check it out!" Off we went, excited as a puppy looking for a bone. We drove right to it, and I'll be darned if it wasn't a cheap car that gets great gas mileage. It had "45 MPG!" written on the windshield, which is way better than I had hoped for.

There's a problem, though. The car is a Geo Metro. Why is that a problem? Well, it only has three cylinders, for one. Total horsepower when brand new: 55. Probably horsepower now? Negative six. That's right, this car probably sucks the horsepower out of cars that get too close.

Did you see that color, by the way? Robin's egg blue if I've ever seen it. Just the thing to attract even more attention to myself in my sexy new car. I bet the stereo only plays Madonna songs, maybe George Michael if you're lucky.

In a nutshell, driving this car would be like driving a giant purse to work. Can you imagine my coworkers comments if I got this car? It would take an EXTREMELY manly man to buy and drive this car.

I guess I'm not as manly as I thought I was. The search for transportation will continue, and I will leave this car for a very lucky 16 year old girl.

Somebody else's address

2008-10-08T10:20:00.000-07:00

The other day my wife was flipping through our mail as we were driving home from work, and we got our 2008 Voter Information Pamphlet. I love getting these, because the first thing I do is check to see if anyone has introduced a bill saying that Manly Candle Companies will get a huge stimulus check. FYI: We don't. If Obama or McCain want my vote, they're going to have to at least consider it.

Anyway, my wife says, "We got the pamphlets, but they're not addressed to us."

I say, "Who are they addressed to?"

She says, "Some guy named Al."

I say, "Let me see that."

That's when I saw it. I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Go ahead and check out the picture of the address.

...scroll down...

...scroll down...

Don't tell my wife I posted this, she'll kill me!

Wickless candles

2008-10-06T06:09:00.000-07:00

I've had a few people ask for me to make a special line of "wickless candles".

Sigh.

Here's the definition of the word "candle": Candle |ˈkandl| noun, A cylinder or block of wax or tallow with a central wick that is lit to produce light as it burns.

Now, I don't pretend to know what "tallow" is, but I think you'll notice that the key words in the definition of candle are wax, wick, lit, and burns. Therefore, it is impossible to have a "wickless" candle. You would have a chunk of smelly wax. That doesn't sound too appealing, does it?

Here's what I'll do for you fine people though. Anybody who wants a wickless candle now has my permission to buy my regular WICKED candles and pull the wick out with a pair of pliers. Once you do that you can pat yourself on the back, because you've neutered your Manly Man Candle.

Doesn't seem right, does it? Why, a Manly Man Candle without a wick is like:

1. A pencil with no lead

2. A dog with its barker removed

3. Me without my mojo

4. A guitar with no strings

5. (Mad libs version: A [noun] without its [noun].)

See? You get it. But hey, if you want wickless, I'll pull your wick out for an extra dollar. I try to be accommodating.

I just ate green tomato pie

2008-10-04T20:01:00.000-07:00

I'm not one to give in to peer pressure easily. Over the course of my 37 years on planet Earth I've "just said no" more times than I can remember. I don't smoke, chew tobacco, do drugs, cheat on my beautiful southern wife, or anything else that Nancy Reagan wouldn't approve of. I do enjoy a tasty beer every now and then, but I look at that as more supporting Montana's great barley industry than anything else.

I did, however, just give in to peer pressure at work.

A buddy brought in his mom's homemade pie. It looked great, and he asked me if I wanted a piece. I asked what kind of pie it was, and he said GREEN TOMATO. I thought he must be joking, because what kind of madman would waste a perfectly good pie crust by filling it with green tomatoes?

Turns out that madman was his mom, and she's been doing it for years. He wanted me to taste the pie. I said no thanks.

"Come on, just one bite. It's delicious."

I stuck to my guns. No thanks. I've given up eating pie for Lent. Whenever that is.

"Come on, just try it real quick. You'll love it."

No thanks, I've got to get back to work. I think I hear my boss calling me.

"Brent. Come on."

No. I don't like tomatoes when they're cooked, raw, green, red, pink, or orange, so I know this isn't going to have a happy ending. In fact, if a tomato isn't in ketchup form, I'd rather it didn't go in my food chute.

"Brent, am I going to have to take away your man card?"

Many people don't understand the importance of the man card. It's completely fictitious, but still important. If someone takes your invisible man card away the shame will follow you for minutes, if not hours. I tried to hold my ground by telling him my wife already has my man card. He would not give up.

"Brent. Come on."

You can see that he was being quite persuasive, and I sensed that our relationship would be damaged forever if I didn't try his mother's green tomato pie. I took my fork out, grabbed a piece of the pie, and tossed it in my mouth.

It took a minute for the taste to sink in. At first it just tasted like an apple pie. Great crust, good taste of cinnamon and sugar, it was great. Then the tomato taste kicked in. It was like a thousand little tomato men all threw up in my mouth at once. I started sweating, chewing, and laughing as I tried to grind it into chunks small enough to swallow. I somehow managed to get it down, and drank the rest of my Diet Coke to try to mask the taste.

It was horrible. As they say on TV, don't try this at home.

A few logo entries

2008-10-04T19:25:00.000-07:00

Guess who rocks?

Me, of course, but that's just a given. Guess who ELSE rocks?

People who take the time to design logos for Manly Man Candle Company. With no further ado, I'd like to present a few of the entries:

Love it. The chest hair, the muscles, the beer gut... So manly.

This one is sweet, I've named him Flame Man. The artist of this one has a brilliant future in the anime industry.

This one would look great on letterhead.

I swear that the artist of this one must have been looking at me when they made this one. It looks just like me! Check out the smoke- It says the company name. Very creative.

Awesome. My favorite part is the font- It's hard to see here, but it's made up of boards that are nailed together.

A big thanks to all who have, and are, participating. You've all done great!

Goal for this month: 15 posts

2008-10-04T19:17:00.000-07:00

I'm going to try an old tactic here- I failed in my goal of 30 posts for last month, so for this month I'm lowering the bar. 15 posts should be doable, I'm hoping. I don't know what I was smoking when I thought I'd hit 30, that was crazy.

Anyway, I have a lot of topics for this month. Stay tuned!

The naming of "Home Brew"

2008-09-24T20:08:00.000-07:00

Now that it's almost time for the release of Home Brew, I think I'll give you a little "sneak peek" at the "behind the scenes" action of Manly Man Candle Company.

And no, ladies, that doesn't mean you can "peek" at my "behind".

I am becoming obsessed with quotation marks lately. I'll "try" to "stop".

One of the hardest things to do here at Manly Man Candle Company is to name the scent. See, each of these candles is like a child to me (don't tell my daughter), so all of the standard naming issues come into play. I have to think about many, many things before finally deciding on a name, such as:

1. Will the other candles make fun of this candle's name?

2. Will this candle's name be cute when it's small (4 ounce), yet strong when it's big (16 ounce)? Will the name cause any problems during those difficult "middle sizes" (8 ounce)?

3. Can this candle's name be easily mocked? You'll notice that Clean Laundry isn't called Clenis Laundry. That's for a reason. That's also why my next child won't be named Richard or Mulva. Yes, I've seen that episode of Seinfeld.

There are many more things that go through my mind, too, but that's a sampling. I also have hundreds of people suggest names for me too. Some of the suggestions include:

1. Kegger

2. Beer:30 (As in, what time is it? Beer:30.)

3. Barley Pop

4. Drunka Cola

Sure, those are good names too, but I think Home Brew sums up the scent the best- It's a dark beer smell, not really a domestic beer, but more of a hoppy specialty beer smell. It's great. I can't wait to hear what everyone thinks.

Sneak peek

2008-09-24T19:43:00.000-07:00

It's almost time...

Rising post count

2008-09-24T14:15:00.000-07:00

This picture both amuses and confuses me. My questions are as follows:

1. Why is the word "BEER" written in cheese, or sponge?

2. Why is the last guy pregnant?

3. Why do the British insist on throwing an extra "u" in words like honor?

4. Is anyone noticing that I'm desperately trying to get to 30 posts for September?

Oh, guess what my candle factory smell like right now? I can't tell you. It's a secret.

Somewhat gratuitous

2008-09-24T14:12:00.001-07:00

You know what? There are a bunch of pictures of girls holding beer on the internet.

Another hint

2008-09-24T14:09:00.000-07:00

What could I be getting at here?

Big announcement coming soon!

A teaser picture!

2008-09-24T13:59:00.000-07:00

I wonder what this picture could be hinting at?

Some non-manly sayings

2008-09-22T19:56:00.000-07:00

I just realized that I only gave you one example of things not to say when you're trying to be manly. I know you, though. You want a few examples so you won't accidentally appear non-manly. Your wish, my friend, is my command.

I'll start with my co-worker's example, just to shame him again.

1. "I get cold really easy."

2. "Billie Joe, where did you get those shoes? They're adorable!"

3. "Did you see what happened on Desperate Housewives last night?" (This is completely unrelated, but Desperate Housewives starts this Sunday. Grey's Anatomy starts this Thursday.

4. "Why does anybody need a (car, motorcycle, boat, or anything that moves) that goes that fast?"

5. "I get cold really easy." (That one just deserves to be on the list twice.)

Think about this list for a minute and I'm sure you'll come up with some ideas of your own. Post them if you're feeling manly!

How not to sound manly

2008-09-22T19:40:00.000-07:00

Just to clarify: The guy in the dress is NOT me. It's after Labor Day, and I wouldn't be caught dead in white.

I got the idea for this post from something that happened at work. See, a motorcycle shop is a GREAT place to get ideas for a manly blog, and today a co-worker gave me an idea for this topic- How NOT to sound manly.

My co-worker, who I would consider a friend (at least, I did consider him a friend, before this came out of his mouth), said, "I don't like snowmobiles, because I'm thin and I get cold really easy."

Sigh. That's just not manly. Here's what he should have said- "I don't like snowmobiles, because they're too slow, and the snow really lessens the chances for a major injury. That's why I only race 300 horsepower unicycles over tracks of broken glass while I have my hair on fire."

Instead, though, at least once a day someone will ask him if he's "chilly" and needs a blanket and a cup of cocoa.

Manly Man TV Clip

2008-09-22T19:28:00.000-07:00

As seen on TV!

My wife packed my lunch today

2008-09-18T11:47:00.000-07:00

My wife is a bit of a nurturer, which I enjoy. Today, though, she outdid herself.

She packed my lunch for me! It was delightful. A ham sandwich, Pringles, fresh (and cut!) strawberries, and a Kit-Kat candy bar. Awesome.

I'm the envy of the motorcycle shop. Thanks, baby!

I won the football pool

2008-09-10T09:44:00.000-07:00

Since I'm not sure of the legality of this, so let me preface this by stating that this entire post is made up. It didn't happen, and this post is just a "story" about what "could" have "happened" if somebody worked at a "motorcycle" "shop" that happened to "have" a "football pool" and the writer of this blog "enjoyed" using "lots of" "quotation marks" "unnecessarily" "."

Anyway, it was a simple game where you have to pick the winners of every game, and I did the best. I actually tied my boss but won by getting closer on the points of Monday night's game. I'm not sure if beating my boss is a good career move, but my competitive nature won't let me throw the game.

Look out Vegas, here I come.

I wish my dog could talk

2008-09-09T05:52:00.000-07:00

Okay, that's not a picture of my dog, it's a picture I found on the internet.

My dog hasn't been lured to the dark side. Yet. My wife's dog would pull the trigger to kill all the Jedi if she would get a treat for it, though.

Anyway, this picture reminded me of a book I saw at Barnes and Noble the other day. It was called "Stuff On My Cat", and it was an entire book of pictures of this guy's cat with "stuff" on it.

Check it out at http://www.stuffonmycat.com. Don't you hate it when people start businesses with stupid little ideas? That reminds me, have you seen the Manly Man Candle Company's website lately?

I can't sleep

2008-09-08T00:12:00.000-07:00

Most nights I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow, but man, tonight isn't one of those nights.

I blame the start of the NFL season. I sat on the couch and drifted in and out of consciousness while the games were on... All three of them. Since I napped most of the day I figure I should give you my opinions of the three games that I watched on TV today.

1. Jets vs. Dolphins: Brett Farve looked great. I'm glad he's back. He should dye his hair, he looks like he's 107 years old.

2. Cowboys vs. Browns: Did anyone else see the "T.O. has B.O." sign somebody hung up in the Brown's stadium? Third grade humor at its finest- I laughed. The Browns looked HORRIBLE.

3. Colts vs. Bears: I've never seen Peyton Manning look so nervous. My wife LOVES him because he was the quarterback for the University of Tennessee, who also lost this weekend. Not a good sports week for her, but hey, she's got me, so she's already a winner, right? RIGHT???!?!?!

Anyway, go Steelers.

Goal for this month: 30 posts

2008-09-07T19:57:00.000-07:00

I have to admit that I let myself down with a lack of effort posting last month. I'm sorry to say that getting a real job has REALLY cut into my blogging time, but my pregnant wife seems to think that a real job is more important than this blog.

Women.

Anyway, I'm going to do better this month, even though I'm off to a fairly crappy start. I hope that this picture of a cat crushed by a cardboard box makes up for any disappointing lack of updates.

I thought it was funny. No cats were harmed in the making of this picture. Or, maybe they were, I don't know, it's not my picture, I got it off www.fark.com, which is pretty much my favorite site.

Besides this one, I mean.

Antarctica's in my crosshairs

2008-09-07T19:18:00.000-07:00

I was looking through the stats for the blog today and I was blown away by two things. First, this is one amazing blog. It's probably the best blog in the known universe. It's not dumb or self-serving at all, and another great thing about it is that every once in a while I will link to www.manlymancandlecompany.com, which makes it super easy for you to click and purchase all of your manly candle needs. Once again, you're welcome.

The second thing that blew me away was where all of you readers come from. Estonia? Really? Singapore? Brazil? It's great that people from all over are world are tuning in, but I have to wonder what someone from Estonia thinks when they see this. America truly is the land of opportunity.

This leads me to my newest quest. I have a hit from every continent on the planet except Antarctica now, so it's time for a new game:

Get me a hit from Antactica!

I just read that in the summer Antarctica has a population of over 4,000 people, and in the winter there are still 1,000 people there. One of you readers HAS to know somebody who knows somebody who works at a college with somebody who taught somebody who has a friend that knows a guy that once emailed somebody that is in Antarctica. I just want them to read this blog once so I can cross "Get a hit from Antarctica" off my bucket list.

This is kind of like "Six degrees of Kevin Bacon", except instead of being related to a handsome movie star you'll link to someone who probably has an icicle hanging from his (or her) nose.

Help me out, people!

Holding a purse

2008-09-01T18:59:00.000-07:00

I was in a mall yesterday, shopping for clothes for my pregnant southern wife. If you're interested in the details, we were in Motherhood Maternity, a clothing store for pregnant women. There were several couple just like us in there- The women had delighted glows on their beautiful, angelic faces, and we men had the look of beaten dogs who would do or say anything to get out of there and run with the pack again.

Since it was a Saturday, the rest of the pack was probably watching the first week of college football. That would have been fun. Not that I'm whining.

I've learned something over the years, and I'd like to share it with you fine people. Women will never, ever, EVER like what I suggest for clothes. I saw a cute maternity shirt that said "It's not easy being queasy" that I loved. No dice.

Anyway, the point of this whole post is that I overheard the greatest quote by a man I've ever heard in my life. The man was probably 6'3", 200 pound, and he certainly looked like a manly man. He was the type of guy that other guys wouldn't really want to mess with, but the kicker was that he was in Motherhood Maternity with the rest of us, and he was holding his wife's purse while she tried on different outfits, all of which she hated. After she got done trying her 750th shirt on she asked her husband which one he liked best. He said:

"Well, I liked the red one, but what do I know, I'm just a guy carrying a purse."

And that about sums it up. I looked at him and smiled my tired smile, and he smiled his tired smile, and we both knew that even though Motherhood Maternity is not a very "manly" store to be in on the opening Saturday of college football, there was nowhere else either of us would rather have been.

Funny how that works.

In other news, my wife bought five shirts, all of which were cute.

WIN 100 BUCKS!!! REALLY!!!

2008-08-26T05:40:00.000-07:00

Manly Man Candle Company is looking for a new logo to last us through the next year, and guess who could design it? That's right, YOU!!!

Here's what we're looking for:

1. Your picture must positively drip with manliness. If your logo or drawing is so manly that my computer grows hair when the image comes up you're in the running.

2. It should not be pornographic. Remember, I'm married to a Southern girl.

3. No rules on materials or style. You want to do it in crayon? Great. You want to use Illustrator? Great. You want to use your own blood? Okay, that's weird, but who am I to stifle your creativity?

That's it. I'm giving you guys free reign on this, so don't let me down. The winner will be chosen by me, and I'll give you full credit both on this blog and a special page on the www.manlymancandlecompany.com website that sings your praises.

You can't buy advertising like that!

Anyway, that's the deal. Go for it, and don't let me down!

Manly Man Race Team

2008-08-24T20:01:00.000-07:00

Here's some Manly Man Candle Company trivia- We actually sponsored a race team in the Dakar Rally! If you look really, really closely on the front fender of the bike in the picture you'll see a white round sticker on there that says "Manly Man Racing". There are a few more on the bike, but you can't see them in this picture, they were all worn off by the blowing sand about a week into the race. Oh well.

The Dakar Rally runs mostly through Northwestern Africa, and is the most famous race of its type in the world. The guy we sponsored actually finished the race, which is a pretty major accomplishment. Another interesting note- The race was canceled this year because of terrorist threats.

Just thought that was cool. We're looking to do more sponsorships in the future, so if you see a NASCAR team that looks a little manlier than all the rest, it might be us.

But you'll have to smell them to be sure. They'll smell terrific. And manly, which goes without saying.

A quick history of MMCC

2008-08-22T05:24:00.000-07:00

I get a few questions I get all the time- How did you get started? How did you become the massive corporate giant that you are? How did you become the human embodiment of twisted steel and sex appeal?

Well, it all started in the seventies. When a man and woman love each other, very, very much, like my parents did, they... Wait. I might be going back a little too far. Let's just talk about the history of Manly Man Candle Company.

A few years ago, in late 2005, I was living in Las Vegas and working for a company that wrote credit card processing software. It was basically a "sausage-fest" as they say in nerd lingo, an almost all male environment. We would do things that men in groups will often do, such as:

1. Play fantasy football

2. Change co-workers computer wallpapers to wildly inappropriate images

3. Engage in horseplay that was very much against the company handbook

4. Have push-up contests

5. Talk about how much we hated our jobs

It's the last one that's important to this story. My best buddy at the company, Brett, and I would often go have lunch together and discuss all things manly. On bad days we would spend most of the time thinking about ways we could start our own business and get the heck out of there. Most of our ideas were complete and utter crap, just dumb ideas to make each other laugh, like NASCAR coffins. Which, now that I think about it, is still a good idea. Feel free to use it.

One day, though, lightning struck. Brett walked into my office and asked if I wanted to take a smoke break. Neither of us smoked, so this was code for "I need to speak to you outside". This usually occurred when one of us was about to go postal, so we headed out the door. He told me the idea.

"You know what you never see? A candle that's not girly. They all smell like flowers or babies or sunshine or crap like that. We should make candles that are scented just for men. We'll call them Man-dles."

I said, "Brett, I don't know if that's the best idea in the world or the absolute worst, but either way, we're doing it."

So we started. We registered www.candles4men.com, which has now expired, researched how to make candles, ordered supplies and started experimenting. After much trial and error we had a few scents perfected, which we took to work and had all of our buddies smell and offer their opinions. We put those five scents on the web store, and the orders just started pouring in. Okay, we sold about three the first year. But that's a story for another post.

Tomorrow's story- Why we're not called Mandles anymore!

Wow, a cliffhanger!

Manly Man of the Week

2008-08-21T05:25:00.000-07:00

Some are born to greatness, others have greatness thrust upon them. I'm a little of both. Sure, I try to lay low and just live a normal life, but the paparazzi keep following me. They're hiding in a wheat field across the gravel road from me right now, trying to snap a picture of me in a compromising position. Sure, my psychiatrist tells me that they're not there, and that they've never been there, but I'm pretty sure he's working for them. They're all out to get me.

But let's put my psychosis behind us for a minute. Yesterday was my daughter's first day of high school. I know what you're thinking- How could someone so young, powerful, sexy, and manly have a daughter old enough to be in high school? I got an early start- I was only 14 when she was born.

Yeah, that's it. 14.

Anyway, she came home last night and started telling us about her day, and guess what? After running a campaign of literally MINUTES she's now the freshman class president. I'm pretty sure she ran a campaign based on change, relaxed dress codes, and a Manly Man candle in every classroom.

Here's to you, my little dictator. You're the Manly Man of the Week.

One hundred posts

2008-08-20T15:53:00.000-07:00

I know what you're thinking. "Nice to see you again. Finally decided to post something again, huh, Captain Keyboard? You're so lazy it makes my kidneys hurt."

I haven't been lazy, I wanted to leave the last post up for a while so more people would read it. No, really. Okay, I've been lazy.

Seriously, though, we just passed a milestone, people. One hundred posts have come and gone, and I'm sure that you've read each and every one of them. Repeatedly. Right? No? Well, that's okay, I've barely read some of them myself.

I just want you all to know that I'm totally amazed that it's lasted this long, since I have a tendency to get bored quickly. Once again I amaze myself! I'm my own biggest fan!

I'll never whine again

2008-08-15T22:19:00.000-07:00

I need to be serious for a moment here.

I'm not just a master candle artisan, I also work full time in the service department of a motorcycle shop. Very manly. I smell gas fumes and listen to classic rock blasting through an 80s boombox about 40 hours a week, and I love it. It definitely keeps me in touch with manly men.

Today I met a REAL man, and I'd like to tell you about it.

We did some repair work on a cool six wheel utility vehicle a couple of days ago- It's like a four wheeler but with two more wheels in the back. The unusual thing about it was that the thumb throttle was mounted upside down on the left hand side of the handlebars, instead of the right hand side where it usually is. I've seen this before- Sometimes people have hurt their right hands or even had strokes that limit their ability to use the throttle, and this trick is a clever adjustment that lets them keep riding and working.

When the man who owned the 6 x 6 came in I told him what we did to fix his rig, then he shakily signed his credit card slip with his left hand. I walked out to help him load it up on his trailer, and we got to talking. After some small talk while loading it up, I offered to help him down off of his trailer, and he told me his story as he took my hand to steady himself.

In 1967, he got shot in the left side of his head, just a bit above his eye, while serving in Vietnam. The medics got to him right away, but they thought he was a dead man. He wasn't. He stayed alive to the hospital, where he was operated on. He lived, but barely. His parents were called, and told that their son probably wouldn't live, but even if he did he would never walk again, talk again, or have kids.

He survived, but had to go through years of rehabilitation. He had to learn how to talk again. He had to learn how to walk again. Strangely, even though he had been a speed reader before he got shot, he was never able to read well again. Some things came back all the way, while others, like perfect speech and full muscle control for the right side of his body, never did.

It's been over 40 years since the bullet took the life he knew. For the last 40 years he's been building a new life, and a damn good one. The doctors said he'd never have kids- He's had five, and is now a grandpa. He not only walks and talks, he's built his own successful transportation company, and you might have seen his trucks on these local roads if you live nearby.

As he was telling me about his life I noticed that not once did I detect the slightest bit of self pity or sadness in him. To be honest, there wasn't much of any emotion in his voice or face, just the sense that he thought this was a pretty good story that he was glad to be sharing. We finished talking after a bit, and he shook my right hand with his left and got in his big Dodge Ram truck and drove away.

For some reason, I felt like crying after he drove away. I knew that I was in the presence of a real man, and I was better and stronger for having talked to him. I also felt guilty for some of the emotions I've been feeling for a while now (not recently, mind you, my life is incredible now, for many reasons). I told my wife this story as soon as I saw her today, and I told her that if I ever start complaining about things to remind me of today.

A typical ending to this would be a "moral to the story"; a way to sum it all up with a lesson for all of humanity to follow to become better people, but I don't think it's that simple. If you read this you'll take something away from it, but what you get is up to you. Some will see a story of triumph and be inspired. Some will see a story of loss and struggle and be saddened. And some will read this and be mad that I didn't write something funny today, and take nothing away, and that's okay too.

So I'm going to sum it all up with this: Today I met a real man, and had a great day. Thanks for reading.

No more samples!

2008-08-15T06:04:00.000-07:00

You might have noticed that something is missing from the Manly Man Candle Company website. More likely, though, you haven't, which is fine too.

I've taken the sample packs off the store. That's right, they're no longer for sale, which means that if you got one you now have a collector's item! Put it on eBay, make big money!

Why, you ask? One reason, really. Making a sample pack sucks. It takes a long, long time, and is really tedious and boring, much like dates with a girl I used to know.

But that's another story.

I just saw Weird Al

2008-08-15T05:44:00.000-07:00

Before you even get started, yes, I got more candle supplies, and yes, I'm getting to work.

However, all work and no play makes Brent a dull boy, so a couple of nights ago I took the family to see an 80's icon live in concert, Weird Al Yankovic. How was it, you sit there, not asking yourself? PHENOMENAL.

Okay, want to hear something strange? I just had to spell check "phenomenal", and one of the suggestions was "PHENOM ANAL". What the heck is that? Oh, and if you comment on this, please keep it clean. Blaine, I'm talking to you.

Anyway, back to Weird Al. He was great. He did all of his classics, including:

1. Amish Paradise

2. Gump

3. White and Nerdy

4. Canadian Idiot

5. Smells Like Nirvana

6. Pretty Fly for a Rabbi

7. Fat

8. Many, many more!

He changed costumes between almost every song, danced like a superstar, and thrust his hips into several unsuspecting older women, which was hysterical. My daughter says that it was the best concert she's ever been to.

The moral to the story is this: If you get a chance to see Weird Al, do it, man, do it. The crowd was great, too, everyone was in a great mood and laughing and screaming the whole time. The craziest thing was the diversity of the crowd- Weird Al has fans that are 80 and fans that are eight, and they were all singing along. Too cool.

My basement is a mess

2008-08-11T05:54:00.000-07:00

You probably know that every Manly Man candle is made with a secret combination of wax, scents, and machismo, but did you know that they're all handmade by a covert crew of extra hairy oompa-loompas?

Oh, and if I spelled oompa-loompas wrong, chalk it up to the fact that I have a life.

Anyway, these oompa-loompas have been so busy lately that they've been neglecting their cleaning duties. I had to spend a couple of hours cleaning up the factory floor last night. It's spotless again, but you can't believe the mess. Shipping labels everywhere, wax everywhere, boxes and packing peanuts strewn all over the floor... They even spilled their oompa-loompa food and water bowls!

Needless to say, they received a stern talking too.

Finally catching up!

2008-08-10T17:30:00.000-07:00

Now that I'm finally catching up with all of the orders from the last two weeks (only 100 behind!) it's time to start thinking about growing the business. And how do we grow the business? That's right, advertising.

Billboards. Newspapers. Radio. Television. Skywriting. Viral. I'm going to have it all.

I'm going to hit all the major markets, too. New York. Los Angeles. Miami. Great Falls. Power. Oh, and we're going global, too. Maybe even an ad in Alberta!

Anyway, I just wanted to give you all a heads up on this. Prepare for an onslaught of media saturation that will make any Budweiser ad campaign look like it's been done by first graders.

Of course, my ads will probably look like three year olds did them, but that's beside the point.

The tabs have landed

2008-08-05T05:32:00.000-07:00

Okay gang, the tabs are finally in. We stayed up very very late last night making a very large amount of manly candles, and now we're getting ready to ship.

Thanks for your patience!

I have the coolest customers

2008-08-01T06:03:00.000-07:00

As you know, I had to send out an email saying that some candle orders would be delayed because of massive overload. I expected to get flamed left and right for this- After all, people are having to wait for their MANLY CANDLES, and that's not cool. You know what is cool, though?

My customers. Here are a few of the responses I got:

"It’s cool man. That coffee candle is gonna be some fresh brew!
I appreciate that your doing everything Manly possible and thanks for letting me know.
You rock!"

"I have no problem waiting - I am just glad to hear that your sales took off with that national story. I hope you get some help in there so you are not working all night."

"It was very manly of you to let me know about the delay. There is no rush and I appreciate the discount coupon for my next order. These candles are for my manly brother's birthday in September so there is plenty of time. "

"Thanks Brent. I really appreciate being notified about the situation. That's a great way to do business, by keeping the customer informed. Don't worry, we won't hold it against you in any way. And congratulations on being overwhelmed!"

I could go on and on. I can't tell you how much I appreciate everyone being cool and hanging in there.

Stay manly, and happy Friday, everyone!

Slight candle delay letter

2008-07-31T05:31:00.000-07:00

Here's the letter I sent to a bunch of customers yesterday. If you order from today on you won't get this email, because all of our parts are in and we'll be shipping on schedule from here on out. Hopefully.

First off, let me say thank you for your Manly Man order. I really appreciate it.

Now the bad news.

One of my suppliers had a back order on the tab that holds the wick in the candle, and that means that I'm sitting here in a very manly room surrounded by wax, scents, and everything else I need to fill your order except that.

It's driving me crazy, and I'm sure it's frustrating for you, too.

I expect the tabs to come in today, Wednesday the 30th, and we will be up all night making candles if they do. I will ship them as soon as possible. I don't want to make a promise I can't keep, though, so if the tabs come in today you might get the candles Saturday, and if they don't, it will be early next week.

I am really quite sorry for the delay, I had enough supplies ordered for my regular sales, but once the story went nationwide I was overwhelmed in about two hours. It's not very manly to make people wait for their manly candles, but we're going to get the orders shipped out as soon as humanly possible.

Thank you, and stay manly!

Brent
MMCC

Also, THANK YOU to all of the people who emailed back with words of encouragement. Manly Man Candle Company has the coolest customers in the world.

Manly Man of the Week

2008-07-29T23:25:00.000-07:00

This month's Manly Man of the Week is the first repeat winner in Manly Man history.

Last time he won for exceptional perseverance in blog writing, and this week he wins for a much bigger reason. Well, he wins for a 2.2cm reason, to be precise.

The winner? Me! Again.

In case you haven't guessed, there's going to be a little Manly Man around in about seven more months. Mrs. Manly Man, who was made famous by both this blog and her numerous television appearances, is knocked up higher than a hawk's nest, as we say here in Montana. We're a classy bunch.

I know what you're thinking. How do I know it's going to be a manly man, and not a girly girl? Simple. Look at the picture. That's exactly how I sleep. I rest my case.

We've been talking about names lately, and tomorrow I'll write about that. But for now, I'm basking in the glow of a miracle. And that's manly.

The NEW SCENTS are available!

2008-07-28T20:11:00.000-07:00

Today is the day. Here come the new scents! With no further ado:

Sports Injury: If you've ever been athletic you know what this smells like. When you pull a muscle it sometimes helps to rub a cream on your sore muscles, especially a cream that gets ICY cold and then HOT, if you get my drift. Now you can smell like a professional athlete without the pain and suffering!

Dad's Gum: My dad always has three things in his shirt pocket. A pen, and pack of cigarettes, and a bunch of spearmint gum. I salute his not smoking much anymore, and honor his efforts with this new candle- Dad's Gum. It's a great, crisp spearmint smell that will raise your spirits.

Manilla: I had my doubts about this one, but it is truly a manly scent. Think vanilla, but with a manly bump. So many people requested a vanilla scent that I had to give in, and I'm glad I did. It reminds me of my mom making chocolate chip cookies when I was a kid. Mmmmm.... cookies...

Bob's Eucalyptus: This scent was made for just one guy, Bob. Every day he requests a Eucalypus scent, he says that it clears his sinuses and makes it easier for him to sleep when he travels. Well, Bob, here you go. If you're the only one who buys this candle I hope you're ready to buy a bunch of them.

Well, there you go. You can order them now, and you'll get them in about a week.

You're welcome.

Our first warning label

2008-07-28T06:26:00.001-07:00

I was looking through some of my old Manly Man files tonight and I found this, our very first warning label. I've got to admit, it's still better than our new one, which is pretty much dead serious. When I get the time I'm going to our warning labels to show more... personality.

Suggestions are appreciated, as always.

Responding to email

2008-07-25T23:44:00.000-07:00

I have a lot of email to answer after all of this hoo-hah, so I thought I would use some of my return emails to make up today's blog post. Kill two birds with one keyboard, so to speak.

With no further ado:

1. Yes, we have a wholesale program. I'll send you the information ASAP.

2. Yes, I have "pondered about creating scented oils with the smell of the various types of cannabis plants?". You seem to have A LARGE AMOUNT of experience with the topic, so if you come up with a scent we can use let me know. I did enjoy your long, rambling email, though, it was great.

3. The smalls are four ounces, the mediums are eight ounces, and the larges are 16 ounces. Save money, buy a large. Real men know that bigger is better.

4. Yes, I'm working on a bacon scent. It's not easy, and I'm not settling for a crappy imitation scent and selling that, because bacon is too good to shortchange like that. Bacon deserves better.

5. Hmmmm... You want candles that smell like a feed store. I guess I'll have to go into a feed store and see what that smells like.

6. Visa and Mastercard are coming soon, probably within a week. We weren't ready for everything to hit all at once, but we're working our butts off to get everything as perfect as humanly possible.

7. I know how you feel, and you said it well. I feel like beating my chest and asserting my male dominance right now, too. Thanks for the email, buddy.

8. A customer finished her email with "I am sure you have to go saw something down before you go fishing and then to the rifle range." How did you know my schedule for today? Are you stalking me?

9. Yes, we're making sample packs as we speak. Give us a couple of days.

10. Hmmmm... Candles that smell like exotic dancers? I bet I could find a few guys to research that!

THANK YOU!

2008-07-25T21:48:00.000-07:00

Before we go any further, I want to thank a few people for helping to make today, July 25th, an amazing day.

First, thank you to my friend Brett who was there from the very beginnings of Manly Man Candle Company. Manly Man Candle Company wouldn't exist without you.

Thank you to my family who never hesitates to help when asked (or even when not asked).

Thank you to my brother Blaine who sold the candles to local stores. You are brilliant and inspirational.

Thank you to David at greaterfalls.com who bought one of the candles my brother sold and wrote about us in his great blog. You're getting some free candles, buddy.

Thank you to Matt Austin, his cameraman, and KRTV for coming out and doing a tv segment about us. They read about Manly Man Candle Company on David's blog and decided it would be a good story. Matt is a great guy and a true professional... You can tell that he is bound for greatness.

Thank you to every network and station who picked the story up. I was blown away.

I could go on and on, but you get the picture. Now let's get back to the goofiness.

Global Superstar

2008-07-25T21:25:00.000-07:00

I can't even begin to tell you what the past 24 hours have been like. It's been amazing.

Last night I went to bed smiling, having just watched a two minute segment on my little candle company. I woke up to nine emails and a few orders, and I was quite pleased. My wife and I went off to work thrilled.

The news kept coming in as the day went on. Emails started pouring in. I learned that the segment aired on Headline News. Then went to CNN. Then went to Fox Business News. People from all over the country started emailing saying that they had seen us on their local news programs. People from other countries started emailing, saying they had seen it and wanted to sell them.

I called my family for an emergency candle making session. We just spent the last four hours making Manly Candles for everyone who ordered- Some won't ship today, but we'll get them out as fast as we can, sorry, but we just ran out of the tins the candles come in. More are now ordered.

Thanks to all, now I've got to get back to work!