Charts

In a former life I was the guy who took raw data and turned it into charts that were easily understandable. It was really, really stimulating. Okay, not really. I wish I had seen these pie charts back then, because I would have snuck them into my presentations just to see if anyone was paying attention.

Perhaps I'll make some charts about Manly Candles...

Lexus commercials piss me off

I hope this doesn't make me seem jealous or petty, but Lexus can take a flying leap. The economy is in the crapper, millions of people have or are in danger of losing their homes, and Lexus commercials show rich people giving each other cars for Christmas.

Here is my solemn vow: If I become a freaking BILLIONAIRE I will never purchase a car from Lexus. If you own a Lexus I suggest you sell it and spend the money on Manly Candles.

Actually, if you own any car I suggest you sell it and buy Manly Candles. That's a really good idea.

LOWER PRICES ON LARGE CANDLES!!!!

For maximum effect, please don't read this post silently, scream it at the top of your lungs, with special emphasis on the larger words. Thank you.

SUNDAY!!! SUNDAY!!! SUNDAY!!! AND EVERY OTHER DAY UNTIL 2009!!!

THE MANLY MAN HAS GONE CRAZY!!! HE'S SLASHING PRICES ON EVERYTHING!!! WAIT, NO, HE'S JUST SLASHING PRICES ON LARGE CANDLES, WHICH I THINK YOU'LL AGREE IS PRETTY GOOD TOO!!!!

LARGE CANDLES WERE $12.99, WHICH WAS ALREADY A STEAL, ALREADY A CRAZY LOW PRICE, AND NOW THE MANLY MAN HAS SLICED THEM TO $11.99, NO, $10.99!!! STOP HIM, IT'S TOO LOW!!! HE'S GIVING THEM AWAY!!! WE'RE LOSING MONEY WITH EVERY SALE!!!

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! HE'S STILL AT IT!!!!! HE'S CUT THOSE PRICES DOWN TO ONLY $9.99!!!!!!!!!!!! HE'S A MADMAN!!! SOMEONE PHONE THE AUTHORITIES!!!

IF YOU ORDER NOW WE'LL ALSO INCLUDE PACKING PEANUTS!!!! OR PERHAPS SOME OTHER TYPE OF PACKING MATERIAL, DEPENDING ON WHAT WE HAVE AT THE MOMENT!!!!! FREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

ORDER NOW!!!!!!!!

(End commercial)

But seriously, I've lowered the price of the large candles. Buy some!

Great Christmas trees

As reported earlier, my wife put up our Christmas tree tonight, and we lit two Wild Alaska Manly Candles to fill the rooms with an awesome fresh pine scent and hide the fact that our tree is faker than Pam Anderson's... Well, Pam Anderson's everything, really.

I suggest you and your family try this trick, the scent is incredible. IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. Well, probably not, but if you buy enough of them, it will CHANGE MY LIFE, and that's really what's important to me.

Speaking of trees, I did a little searching and found this great page filled with unusual (and somewhat manly) Christmas trees.

With no further ado:


Look closely. This tree is made from Mountain Dew cans. Diabetics beware!



Here's a cool version of Charlie Brown's tree. I'm a sucker for this one for some reason.


A tree made from green beer bottles. Sweet. I hope they don't have small children or easily excitable pets in the house, because this falling would be a tragedy of FEMA-sized proportions.

There are a few more on this site. Enjoy!

Happy December!

It's amazing what you can find when you type "sexy Santa" into Google's image search. The picture above is a little something for you female Manly Men who read this... You're welcome.

I am excited that it's December and close to the holidays, that's for sure. The weatherman is calling for snow tonight, and my beautiful pregnant southern wife just put our tree up. I was listening to Christmas music today at work, too, so it's safe to say that I am "in the mood". I don't know why I'm so excited this year, I'm usually not this jolly until the middle of the month. I guess I have a case of Pre-Mistletoe Syndrome.

Expect more corny Christmas-related posts this entire month.